Now the bloody Poms will be queuing for booze

Alf had never planned visiting Oldham. But if someone had invited him, and offered to pay the fare – well, he might have been tempted.

But no longer.

Not since learning that, under plans drawn up by Liberal Democrat-controlled Oldham Council, all 22 pubs in the town centre will have to comply with barmy new rules requiring customers to stand in queues to get a drink.

Apparently, the 2003 Licensing Act allows British police and trading standards officers to apply for variations in a pub licence if there is concern about drink-related violence and disorder.

And so –

Drinkers in pubs are to be told to stand in a queue and banned from ordering more than two drinks at a time at the bar.

Ban the blokes

Blokes who don’t know where to go to find a harlot in Manukau have been given some useful guidance today by the burghers (and burgheresses) of that troubled city, who earnestly tell us they intend setting up a working party to formulate a plan to address street prostitution.

The council’s Policy and Activities Committee has resolved that the aim of the plan is to make Manukau free of street prostitution.

It sounds as achievable as Helen Clark’s ambition to make New Zealand carbon-neutral.

It’s tempting to tell these busy-bodies where to go. But Alf observes that the busy-bodies have told the street-walkers’ prospective customers from out of town where to go.