We can rule out Kate delivering royal twins, but the gender of her sprog is a matter for wagering

Excitement is mounting in the Grumble household, as news drips through about our yet-to-be-born future monarch.

From London, we learn (here) that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s baby is due in July.

And from Christchurch (here), we learn that Britain’s Foreign Secretary is not privy to information about whether a future king or a future queen will pop out, when the gestation period has expired.

The Foreign Secretary, of course, is a bloke named Hague, and the headline writers have delighted in saying Hague is vague about the gender of the royal sprog.

But it’s fair to say the Daily Mail is a tad vague, too, about Kate’s condition. It says the Duchess of Cambridge, 31, is believed to be 13 to 14 weeks pregnant, and the confirmation of the birth month means it’s likely she’s had a 12-week scan.

More certainly, it reports there are no twins, tucked inside the royal womb.

It’s a pity the Aussie phone pranksters can’t be deployed to find out what’s up with Nelson Mandela

Alf is bound to say he is disappointed at the dearth of firm details regarding the health of former South African president Nelson Mandela.

Yes, we know Mandela is undergoing further tests in hospital in Pretoria, where he was admitted on Saturday.

And we know (from a Radio NZ report here) that this is the second time the 94-year-old anti-apartheid leader has been hospitalised in the past year.

But what’s going on, exactly?

We don’t really know.

Bugger bringing in the lawyers over pix of Kate’s bare boobs – this outrage calls for a war declaration

As an ardent monarchist, Alf is dismayed by news that a French magazine has published topless photographs of the Duchess of Cambridge.

Mind you, his dismay was tinged with puzzlement for a while, because when the media said these were topless photographs – well, did they mean someone had cut the tops off the photos, and if so how much of the photos remained and what did they show?

A closer reading of newspaper reports on the matter shows dismay was the appropriate reaction, because we are talking of – ahem – photos of bare bosoms.

This being so, it is fit and proper that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have begun legal proceedings against the French magazine which did the publishing.