We should all be quaking on learning that nudity can have disastrous consequences

June 8, 2015
So who offended the spirits on this occasion?

So who offended the spirits on this occasion?

Alf has been shaken not by an earthquake but by the realisation that earthquakes may be caused by nudity and piddling in places other than dunnies.

He has been alerted to this phenomenon in a troubling report from Petaling Jaya, a city not far from Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia.

The headline grimly advises readers… 

Sabah quake: Mount Kinablu may be “angry” with nudists, say locals

Then there’s this dismaying first para:

 The 7.17am earthquake in Ranau may have been caused by aki (mountain protectors) angered over tourists who stripped and urinated at Mount Kinabalu.

These mountain protectors, Alf imagines, are akin to our taniwha.

This being so he will be showing much greater respect than previously, next time he meets a taniwha.

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Brainwave boffin jolts us with a caution: we should brace for a crime wave spawned by the quakes

August 22, 2014
We should blame the earthquakes.

It was an earthquake that did it, you honour.

Stand by to hear a new line of pleading in a few years from lawyers acting for ratbag kids who have fallen afoul of the law and want to get off scot-free.

The plea will be that earthquakes should take the rap, not the delinquent child.

Alf makes this prediction on the strength of something he read at Stuff today.

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Forecasting a quake in Christchurch is like picking the Melbourne Cup will be won by a horse

June 20, 2011

Christchurch rocks, as they say.

At least one tremor every day, it seems. Must have a chat with Gerry Brownlee to check if this is correct, although Gerry has become somewhat prone to keeping some bits of information strictly confidential these days.

Anyway, a shake every day or so makes it a bit of a doddle to predict on which day the city will be shaken.

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