Grant Dalton should forget about taxpayers puffing more wind into Team NZ’s sails

Bugger…let’s see if Steven Joyce can get us ship-shape again.

Here’s hoping the Team New Zealand mob have kept enough of the taxpayers’ money in a kitty for a small farewell party.

That thought struck the member for Eketahuna North while he mused on the team’s latest bleat about its money problems.

Without an immediate cash injection – according to Grant Dalton – the syndicate will be “gone by the end of the month”.

So…

A fortnight hence Team NZ could be sunk.

Or so it seems, because the Herald reported:

With their bridging finance fast running out Grant Dalton yesterday reiterated the team’s dire financial position, warning without an immediate cash injection from the Government the syndicate would be “gone by the end of the month”.

“If we go, there ain’t no coming back. The start-up price of a team from scratch is so astronomical that it will never happen in this country.”

Alf happens to be sublimely indifferent to the fate of the boaties. If they can make it by themselves, good on them. If they can’t, too bad.

 

Yep, the earth did move for the Grumbles (as it did for everybody else in Eketahuna) but they survived

Gotta say it took the Member for Eketahuna North a minute or two to appreciate what was happening when the 6.2 magnitude earthquake struck near his home town.

He happened to be consulting constituents in the Commercial Hotel, a splendid watering hole.

More specifically, he was wandering back from the bog to the bar, and by then had sunk more than a few shots of his favourite Scotch, and so was not 100% steady on his feet.

Accordingly he was inclined – momentarily – to attribute the rocking motion in the pub to his condition.

Get the bunting ready, Eketahunans, and be prepared for a visit from President Obama

Alf is delighted to report something he had previously kept confidential.

But now it’s out in the open, thanks to the Herald and the NZPA.

It’s the story about the closeness of the relationship between John Key and the President of the USA.

How can you avoid the traffic jams when you return from holiday? By living in Eketahuna

There are many good reasons for living in Eketahuna. Among them, you don’t get caught up in traffic jams when you drive home from holiday.

Alf accordingly is feeling smug this morning as he reads of the advice being doled out to holidaymakers heading back to Auckland today. They are being urged to take a different route to avoid one of the most heavily congested roads at this time of the year.

And, presumably, to avoid going down with a dose of road rage.

Heavy traffic on State Highway One just north of Auckland has been building since yesterday, as people head back to town in time for work tomorrow.

But the NZ Transport Agency last night urged people to travel on SH16 – expected to be significantly less busy.

“There’s around 13,500 vehicles coming back into Auckland so people should plan to arrive back in town early in the morning or after 6pm,” a spokesman said last night.

Inspector Heather Wells, the road policing manager for Counties Manukau, is urging drivers to be patient on the roads. She said several accidents during the same period last year were caused by frustrated drivers heading back from holiday.

Alf will be drivng up to Pahiatua some time today. Then he will drive home. And he will not get stuck in a traffic jam.

You can joke about Estelle, but you wouldn’t have laughed about Skoda during the Battle of Jutland

You can laugh at this model - but Skoda jokes nowadays are passé.

Alf likes the story of the 12-year old boy who was walking down the main street of Eketahuna when a car pulled up beside him and the window was wound down.

“I’ll give you a bag of lollies if you get in the car”, said the male driver.

“No way, get stuffed”, replied the boy.

How about a bag of lollies and $10?” asked the driver?

“No way”, replied the irritated youngster.

“What about a bag of lollies and FIFTY dollars, eh”? quizzed the driver, still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.

“No, I’m not getting in the ******* car!” answered the boy.

“OK, I know what you want – I’ll give you $100 and a bag of lollies”, the driver offered.
“NO,” screamed the boy.

“What will it take to get you into the car”? asked the driver with a long sigh.

The boy replied: “Listen Dad, you bought the Skoda – you live with it!”

A terrible toss-up between siding with tax-trimming bankers or with brain-taxing wankers

Alf has never been a champion of the banks and the bankers who run them. He has been especially sour about the buggers since they pulled out of Eketahuna.

But the sadsack socialists at The Standard are more loathesome than bankers.

Today a bloke called Eddie is banging on about the big bucks owed to the IRD.

The banks, who tried to rip us off to the tune of $2.6 billion, have agreed to pay us $2.2 billion.

I don’t get it. We’ve spent tens of millions so far on court cases to get our money. We’ve won every case.

Your chance to pour beer for Alf

Fancy serving Alf with a beer or three?

Here’s your chance:

The Commercial & Industrial Hotel Motel is for sale – it’s one of two pubs, here in Eketahuna.

Among its features: it has a busy main road frontage – State Highway 2; there are two bars, eight guest rooms plus a flat at the rear; there’s a TAB plus four gaming machines; and – says the ad – there is an excellent rural community.

The ad doesn’t mention Alf dropping in regularly, which – of course – should be a strong selling point when words gets around.

This hotel would be an excellent husband and wife operation and has the scope to be enhanced by further developing the business with food and accommodation. So stamp your mark!

Eketahuna is a small rural township located approximately 20 minutes drive from Masterton.

Opposite the hotel is an 18 hole golf course popular with weekend golfers who stay at the hotel.

Asking Price Guide From: $395,000 + GST (if any)

Kim Herbert is the agent.

Blackballed banker could tee off here

Of dear. Fred has been blackballed by a golf club.

No, not a golf club. You could say the golf club. The Royal and Ancient, no less.

Yep. Sir Fred Goodwin, the bloke who seems to have botched things as boss of the Royal Bank of Scotland, is at the centre of a row over his attempts to join one of the world’s most illustrious golf clubs.

After Sir Fred’s role in the collapse of RBS was revealed, resentment towards him began to grow on the fairways of Fife.

The Eketahuna golf course - you can come and play here, Sir Fred.

Visitor in no mood to savour the attractions

It seems Eketahuna has been visited in recent days by a highly disgruntled John MacGibbon, who maintains a blog titled Martinborough Musings.

He lives partly in Wellington, and partly in Martinborough, in the wine-growing bit of the Wairarapa. And he’s hard to please.

A taxing question about living standards

Dunno why tax expert Jo Doolan should have wanted to contrast Ponsonby with Eketahuna. Or Eketahuna with Ponsonby.

It’s a bit like trying to decide if pears are better than apples, or crayfish superior to champagne.

But perhaps that was her point.