A fuss about fund-raising, refunds and face-slapping – oh, and John Key come into the frame, too

February 22, 2015

Alf was drawn to a Sunday newspaper beatup today about a National MP receiving $25,000 from a controversial businessman after The Boss had a private dinner with him at the man’s home.

The donation will be be confirmed – readers are told – when electoral returns are published next week.

Before going beyond the first paragraph the long-serving Member for Eketahuna North was braced for phone calls from constituents demanding to know if he was the MP in question, and who in the neighbourhood was dishing out $25,000 donations.

But it quickly became clear no such calls were likely.

The donation in question harks back to the fuss about a Chinese gentleman by name of Donghua Liu.

Read the rest of this entry »


Case of the IHC voter highlights why Labour and the Greens can count on getting some votes

September 16, 2014
"And when you've answered this one, we will want you to explain Labour's capital gains tax."

“And when you’ve answered this one, we will want you to explain Labour’s capital gains tax.”

Alf shares the alarm of the family of an intellectually disabled woman whose carers are supporting her to vote in this year’s election.

The woman in question has the mental age of a two-year-old.

This means she is likely to cast her vote for Labour or the Greens.

In a sane world, she would not be allowed to vote at all.

But there are lots of daft people out there and, sure enough, her voting rights are being championed by disability advocates.

These advocates are supporting the woman’s caregivers’ actions, saying the voting rights of people with intellectual disabilities should be protected.

Read the rest of this entry »


PM’s chat show highlights the absurdity of differing interpretations of electoral law

February 10, 2012

Alf was more than a bit miffed, when Radio Eketahuna (also known as 2ZE FM) declined his suggestion they give him a stint behind the microphone for a few hours a month or so ago.

He promised his chat show would be an election-free zone – he would steer clear of political stuff and talk instead about his cat, Coronation Street, Mrs Grumble’s gardening prowess and the secret of her prize-winning pumpkins, how to pour a whisky and so on.

He would conduct a few interviews with the likes of Colin Meads, The Mad Butcher and Fred Dagg.

Buckingham Palace advised him Her Majesty never did media interviews with anybody as a matter of strict principle and hence would not be available.

Never mind. Alf hoped to get Lucy Lawless in her stead.

He thought this idea was a shoo-in.

Read the rest of this entry »


If Michael Cullen didn’t say it, then it’s time someone did – we won, they lost (etc)

November 27, 2011

Take your pick, Phil

Look at the official scorecard.

True, they are preliminary results for the 2011 General Election and Referendum on the Voting System.

The Electoral Commission aims to have the official results published on its site by 2pm on Saturday 10 December.

But the preliminary results are pretty convincing.

What do they tell us?

Hah – we won, they lost, eat that!

But hasn’t that been said before?

A lot of people think so.

Read the rest of this entry »


TV3 puts snouts before votes

September 28, 2009

(as dictated to Mrs Grumble)

Nothing like the whiff of a politician with his nose in the trough to get the news media in a lather of excitement.

The buggers have been banging on about Bill English’s housing allowance for several weeks.

If he had been born and bred in the splendid town of Eketahuna, Alf muses, would things be different? If you’ve ever been to Dipton, he contends, it’s understandable why Bill spends more time in Wellington.

But today, he has today action intended to remove doubts about his ministerial housing allowance.
Read the rest of this entry »


Macron mania infects the Maori of Porirua

July 8, 2009

Unemployment among the Maori people of Porirua obviously has increased, and those without work have been keeping themselves busy by dreaming up provocative ways of pissing off their fellow pakeha citizens.

Alf draws this conclusion after learning there’s a push on to pepper place names around Porirua with macrons.

That’s not exactly how the plan has been introduced in a press statement from the Porirua City Council.

Nope. The council says that in the lead-up to Māori Language Week, several Māori have made submissions to Porirua City to support the Māori Language in local Māori place names.

This surprised Alf, who thought there were plenty of Maori names in the city already, including Michael Campbell Drive.
Read the rest of this entry »


Meatworkers’ election money is belatedly declared

April 30, 2009

So look at what the Labour Party has been up to now, in the electoral shenanigans department.

Secretary and financial agent Mike Smith says that he has presented the annual return of donations for the Labour Party to the Electoral Commission due today, and advised the Commission that an aggregated donation of $25,500 from three branches of the NZ Meatworkers Union made at separate times should have been declared within ten days of receipt of the final donation in November 2008.

This omission was an oversight but is in breach of Section 210C of the Electoral Act as recently amended which requires that a return of party donations from the same donor amounting to more than $20,000 within any twelve-month period be made within ten working days of the limit being reached.

Smith acknowledged that he is personally responsible for the “oversight” and said he regrets the error.

Alas, whatever embarrassment he suffers by making this public confession is likely to be the only penalty imposed on him.