The derision after displaying a dick diminished by the cold should be discipline enough

February 13, 2011

But would you proudly show your minnow?

The Army seems to be hiring blokes who are not as bright as Alf would like them to be. This bodes ill for the defence of the realm.

This observation is based on news of a New Zealand Army officer being sent home in disgrace from his job as a machinery operator in Antarctica after showing pictures of his genitals to female co-workers.

It is a well known fact that a bloke’s genitals are apt to shrink in cold weather, and – as Alf understands these things – it can get bloody cold in Antarctica.

Taking pictures of your nob and your knackers in these conditions is not calculated to show them off to their best advantage.

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The booming business of labia lopping

November 23, 2009

It’s not only a matter of women being from Venus and men being from Mars (or is it the other way around?). It’s also a matter of blokes wanting bigger ones and women wanting smaller ones.

Bigger dicks and smaller labia.

Alf knew all about the boom in products that purport to give a bloke a bigger todger. His e-mail contains plenty of bargain offers (which, he hastens to add, he has no need to pursue).

He did not know much about the booming business in surgery on women’s genitalia, but it’s happening right here in Newzild.

Christchurch plastic surgeon Howard Klein said he had seen a dramatic increase in women wanting labiaplasty – an operation to make the labia smaller – over the past two years.

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