Shoplifter was obviously intent on rumpy-pumpy – but what would he have done with the gum?

Please make sure you don’t arouse the neighbours…

The Grumbles long ago realised they had led sheltered rural lives, when it comes to engaging in anything much beyond the missionary position in the bedroom (and never anywhere else).

Alf did attempt something suggested by the Kama Sutra on one memorable occasion.

But he finished up with his limbs in such a knot, requiring the disentangling skills of good and very discrete neighbours, that he never again departed from the technique with which he is familiar.

Not even the suggestions to be found in Shades of Grey (according to Mrs Grumble) could dissuade him that novelty when indulging in nooky is best avoided.

For starters, the position pictured here seems awfully wrong because it requires the feller to perform in a suit.