Well done, Boss – we are now reassured that those brain fades haven’t become a chronic condition

December 12, 2014

Memory-Upgrade-cartoonAlf’s memory isn’t up to much nowadays but he does recall some of The Boss’s struggles with forgetfulness.

There was the time when John could not remember being told of the Government Communications Security Bureau’s surveillance of internet tycoon Kim Dotcom.

And then there was the time – as TV3 reported – when he heard that most voters in a new poll thought the drinking age should have been raised to 20, and he said he agreed with them.

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Passing the bill that lets the spooks get on with it should be done and dusted – but maybe not

June 23, 2013

Peter Dunne, the leader of a party that no longer officially exists, says he hasn’t decided whether he’ll support a bill that would allow the Government Communications Security Bureau (GCSB) to spy on New Zealanders.

The authorities who decide these things are still counting the numbers of people who have signed on as UnitedFuture members.

Meanwhile your splendid government is anxious to safeguard you against the constant threat of terrorists.

It is hoping to rush a bill through Parliament to allow the GCSB to get on with the job of tapping phones, eavesdropping, snooping, prying and so on that is essential to keep us safe.

Dunne’s vote in Parliament could be crucial if the Maori Party votes against the bill.

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Peter Dunne persists with denying he has done any leaking – but he has exposed himself as a drip

June 7, 2013

Damn. Why did it have to be Peter Dunne?

Let there be no misunderstanding here. It’s not a matter of having much regard for Dunne. For starters, anyone who prefers to sport a bow tie rather than a proper tie (preferably with a Windsor knot) is apt to earn a place in Alf’s bad books for sartorial bad-taste reasons.

But the resignation of this fellow opens the one ministerial spot that is best given a wide berth. Revenue. Ugh!

Have you had a hard look at the sorts of things that come into the bailiwick of, and therefore must be absorbed by, the Minister of Revenue? It’s sheer tedium. Dunne was just the sort of bloke who could smile and say it’s a fun job.

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HRH has missed out as our next GG – but the sits vac show we’ll soon need a bigwig at GCSB

March 9, 2011

If it's a military background we need, here's the man.

Okay, so Alf bombed out on the GG’s job.

He has been deeply depressed since learning the Queen has appointed former Defence chief Jerry Mateparae, who – for good measure – will get the knighthood that Alf for years has hoped might come his way.

Jerry (a splendid fellow, let the record show) will become the next Governor-General in August, to begin a five-year term when Sir Anand Satyanand steps down.

The Herald says –

He will be 56 when he becomes New Zealand’s 20th Governor-General and Prime Minister John Key said yesterday that his relatively young age was a factor in choosing him.

“I just think we are a young, modern country. It’s a great fit for what we are doing,” he said. Mr Key said he had compiled a list but General Mateparae was his first choice.

The deeply depressed Alf discerns more than a whiff of ageism in that remark.

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$1m civil action in spy base case – that’s the way to uphold law and order

October 7, 2010

Watching the Waihopai Three struggling to find $1 million should make the smile disappear.

Greenie griper Keith Locke is off beam with many things. But he is further off beam than usual when he grumps that any damages suit taken by the Government Communications Security Bureau against the Waihopai Three protesters “will be a waste of taxpayer money”.


It won’t be a waste if the court finds against teacher Adrian Leason, Dominican friar Peter Murnane, and farmer Sam Land and orders them to cough up to pay for the damage they did to public property at Waihopai.

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Ah, so we can have a slash at Waihopai, but farting noises near the Mayor of North Shore are a no-no

March 18, 2010

Alf has awoken the morning after celebrating St Patrick’s Day in appropriate style to find the world of civil rights turned upside down.

Under modern rules of protest, we can damage an American communications installation in the South Island on the grounds we firmly believe it is a spy station responsible for contributing to the deaths of innocent people around the world.

But we can’t blow a raspberry at the Mayor of North Shore in a shopping centre.

Not even if we are female, in our 70s, and should have earned the right – by virtue of greater maturity – to blow raspberries at a Mayor regarded by some as mad.

The Herald reports both stories today –
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