Another blow for Coro Street fans – a teenager accuses actor of raping her when she was six

An unfortunate name, but at least he enjoys a pint.

Mrs Grumble has taken to her bed after another blow on the Coronation Street front.

She became seriously depressed at news of the TVNZ tossers planning to switch the soap’s screening time.

But now one of her favourite characters – or rather, the actor who plays him – has fallen foul of the law.

A teenager has accused Coronation Street actor Michael Le Vell of raping her when she was six years old.

Mr Le Vell, 46, who has played mechanic Kevin Webster in the soap for 28 years, has reportedly been left reeling from the accusations.

He is currently out on bail until November 16 on the condition he does not approach the girl after being arrested on September 30.

Alf is apt to be suspicious of blokes with surnames like Le Vell, but Mrs Grumble makes the favourable observation that this feller married his childhood sweetheart – she is Janette Beverley, 45, an actress who starred in a British TV show in the 1990s

A sobering experience after all those parties – Gilbert Myles finds himself before a judge

Alf proposes a Parliamentary Hall of Infamy for MPs and former MPs who finish up on the wrong side of the law.

He is pleased to observe this morning that Gilbert Myles is jockeying for a position.

That’s good. He could run the show.

In a court report today, the Herald describes him as “a former National MP”, but the bugger couldn’t stomach The Mother of All Budgets delivered by the admirable Ruth Richardson back in 1991.

He went on to join anything that looked like a party until the good people of Roskill had the good sense in 1993 – from memory – to biff him out.

Suppressed names short-change us in reports about a naughty step-father and a political smear campaign

Lest any of the good people of Eketahuna North suspect otherwise, even for a brief moment, let’s have this on the record.

Alf is not the bloke found guilty on charges of indecently assaulting his stepdaughter.

Nor is he Don Brash’s love child.

Mrs Grumble – fair to say – urged Alf not to make this declaration.

She said it was only attention-seeking. Moreover it was thoroughly unnecessary, because it would be obvious to constituents that he is not the mystery feller in either case, because –

* He is still married to her, his first wife, and they do not have step-children;

* He has never been a national figure (she unkindly said “and you never will be”); and

* He is bloody near as old as Don Brash.