Celebrities are likely to shy away from finance companies thanks to our new regulatory package

It has been one of Alf’s big disappointments that nobody has asked him to endorse their product in TV and other advertising.

He has especially yearned to promote his favourite whisky (he would happily name it publicly here, if its makers would pay him).

But he would never endorse a bank or a finance company, essentially because he regards bankers and financiers as the business world’s equivalent of cockroaches.

He keeps his money secured under his mattress. It’s not a huge fortune, but it is a tad lumpy because coins account for part of it, and so it is stored beneath the mattress on Mrs Grumble’s side of the bed.

Because of his attitude to bankers and financiers, Alf was disappointed when folks like Richard Long and Colin Meads helped persuade ordinary Kiwis to invest in this finance company and that.

Simon Power sets his sights on celebrities, but fools who want to part with their cash won’t be deterred

Follow me, folks - the grass is nice and plush over here.

Oh dear. It looks like a nice little earner for a few celebrities is about to become a tad risky for the buggers.

Those of them who lend their names to advertising campaigns to promote investment products might face stiff penalties under new laws if they are found to have misled mum and dad investors.

The Herald says Commerce Minister Simon Power yesterday announced a raft of Cabinet decisions on his major rewrite of investment laws, a response to the collapse of the finance company sector and the global financial crisis.

Baa humbug – bemusing bleatings from the Judas sheep who led investors to be bled by Hanover

Alf is unmoved by former One News presenter Richard Long’s expressions of remorse.

Nor does he feel any sorrow that Long has lost money.

He concedes that not a spark of sympathy was struck when he learned this morning that Long regrets his role as the television voice for Hanover Finance and says he has lost about $50,000 himself.

Until now, he says, he has hardly spoken about the aftermath of the Hanover collapse which left thousands of mum-and-dad investors out of pocket.

“Nothing has changed. But I feel bad about the deal – really bad,” Long said from his home in the Coromandel.

And so he bloody should.

Explanations, please, on who made a killing from the promotion – then demotion – of Allied Farmers

Alf is hoping our Commerce Minister, the splendid Simon Power, will whistle Mark Weldon across to the Beehive this week for a “please explain”.

Weldon, of course, is the Chief Executive of the NZX and was a member of the Capital Market Development Taskforce. The task force came up with a bundle of ideas for improving that bit of our financial system.

Last week, Power was saying the Government shared the taskforce’s view that capital markets are key to improving the financial wellbeing of all New Zealanders and a vital source of finance for business.

Out of the Hanover frying pan and into the Allied Farmers fire – it’s hard to avoid being burnt

Alf is siding with the critics who are lambasting Allied Farmers and the New Zealand Stock Exchange for the way Allied Farmers shares have been issued to former Hanover Finance investors.

However you look at it, one bunch of shareholders was given a big selling advantage over another bunch.

Alf is putting his money on the share price falling fast long before it rises again, as Hanover investors sell out in their desperate attempts to get their money back.

Hence those who were able to sell immediately have got a much better deal than is likely for those who can’t sell until the necessary paper work has been completed.

Despite the bleats of assurance from the company, there’s a bothersome smell about it.