Yep, the bag might have contained a bomb – but what if it had contained someone’s tax payment?

June 7, 2015

if-you-see-me-running-.-.-.bomb-disposal-381-p

Alf relished reading about the suspicious package that was left in a Hamilton IRD building on Friday.

He has been disposed sometimes, but only when over-fortified with an ample intake of good scotch, to muse on what might happen if he blew up Parliament Buildings while the Nats were away somewhere, so that only lefties and greenies would feel the blast.

But he is quickly sobered by the knowledge of what what happened to Guy Fawkes and a bunch of his stroppy Catholic mates when they had a go in the days of the Protestant King James.

The bombing attempt was a serious failure and the plotters were harshly dealt with.

Read the rest of this entry »


A thought for Pene – if the people who need rescuing aren’t Maori, what then?

March 10, 2011

But if it's not a Maori dog, shouldn't we leave it for someone else to rescue?

There’s a New Zealand rugby team, the All Blacks. So Maori wanted their own team, the Maori All Blacks.

New Zealand has a public broadcasting corporation, TVNZ. So Maori demanded and got their own TV corporation, Maori Television.

New Zealand has a government broadcasting funding agency, NZ On Air, which invests your money and mine in a range of local television, radio, music and new media content “to extend choices for New Zealand audiences”. Oh, and NZ on Air has a Maori Innovation fund ($1 million) for the creation of innovative, primetime Māori television programmes. Applications close 5pm, 15 April. But sure enough, Maori wanted their own funding agency and so we have Te Mangai Paho which makes funding available (your money and mine) to the national network of Maori radio stations and for the production of Maori language television programmes, radio programmes and music CDs.

We have Sportsman (and Sportswoman) of the Year Awards open to all. And so, inevitably, Maori had to have their own sports awards (non-Maori keep out).

We have elections at which all New Zealanders can vote in general electorates. But then there’s a cluster of Maori seats in which your eligibility to vote is determined by your ethnicity.

Yep. You’ve got to be one of our special indigenous people to vote in these electorates.

We have a civil defence force that has been doing a splendid job in the aftermath of the Christchurch earthquake. And so – it had to happen – some bugger has popped up to suggest it’s time for a Maori civil defence force.

Read the rest of this entry »


Advice to an upset widower: get a grip, Mike, and raise a storm about those bloody answering machines

April 12, 2010

Alf is a tad bemused that a Christchurch bloke has been upset by Inland Revenue sending a letter to his dead wife, advising she could be eligible for superannuation.

If she had died recently, Alf could understand the upset.

But Mike O’Brien’s wife, Rosalie, died in 1995.

Let’s see. That’s 15 years ago.

Is he still genuinely grieving and prone to being upset by the receipt of a letter addressed to her?

Or is he just a grumpy old fart looking for a bit of attention?
Read the rest of this entry »


A terrible toss-up between siding with tax-trimming bankers or with brain-taxing wankers

December 24, 2009

Alf has never been a champion of the banks and the bankers who run them. He has been especially sour about the buggers since they pulled out of Eketahuna.

But the sadsack socialists at The Standard are more loathesome than bankers.

Today a bloke called Eddie is banging on about the big bucks owed to the IRD.

The banks, who tried to rip us off to the tune of $2.6 billion, have agreed to pay us $2.2 billion.

I don’t get it. We’ve spent tens of millions so far on court cases to get our money. We’ve won every case.

Read the rest of this entry »


Collecting child support – to get it done, dump Dunne

August 14, 2009

Reckon we need a new Minister of Inland Revenue.

Crusher Collins or Mauler Paula are good prospects – someone who won’t be so mamby-pamby about the level of parents (almost a third) who are shunning child support obligations, the highest rate in five years.
Read the rest of this entry »


A taxing question about living standards

March 31, 2009

Dunno why tax expert Jo Doolan should have wanted to contrast Ponsonby with Eketahuna. Or Eketahuna with Ponsonby.

It’s a bit like trying to decide if pears are better than apples, or crayfish superior to champagne.

But perhaps that was her point.
Read the rest of this entry »


Surgeons rattle the IRD’s bones

March 27, 2009

A big cheer is likely to ring through the Eketahuna Club, when we celebrate news that taxpayers have won an important court battle against the tax gatherers.

The Independent (quoting a tax lawyer) described it as “a watershed decision” against the Inland Revenue Department in a tax avoidance case.

Other businesses are said to be preparing “to challenge the department’s dictatorial approach to tax laws.”
Read the rest of this entry »