Our cops deserve something fit for a SWOT team … but must settle for something more rustic

February 19, 2015
Our cops are getting this.

They will go crime-fighting with this…

No, not this...

…rather than this.

Alf was seriously excited  – for a while at least – by a report from Littlefield, Arkansas.

It said the Littlefield Police Department had acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a US Department of Defense programme that distributed surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the USA.

The device, which is ten times more powerful than the bomb detonated over Hiroshima in World War II, will be used to deter crime in Littlefield and the greater Jasper County area, Police Chief Jefferson Bailey said.

“There will be no more crime in Littlefield,” Bailey said, “Because if there is, I’ll blow this town sky-high.”

Many of Littlefield’s 15,000 residents, according to the report, had  expressed concern over its police department’s acquisition of the nuclear weapon and the guidelines governing its potential use.

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This thing about non-indigenous creatures in the Ureweras is a worry – how far will it spread?

March 8, 2014
The fish must go - but can the angler can prove he is indigenous?

The fish must go – but can the angler conclusively prove he is indigenous?

The Grumbles are giving serious consideration to moving to the South Island. Somewhere in the Ngai
Tahu’s domain – it doesn’t matter exactly where, although sunshine hours and what-have-you will be among the factors given high priority. A comfortable club for gentlemen with good stocks of whisky is important, too.

If the decision to move is made, advice to follow will be given to all of Alf’s constituents.

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We can see why breast is best when warnings are being sounded about suspect whey

August 3, 2013

Dunno if anyone has drawn the connection between a quality fuss at Fonterra and campaigns to promote babes being nurtured by nuzzling their mums.

But it’s Breastfeeding Week, a time when the do-gooders are out beating their breasts – ahem – about mother’s milk being best for their sprogs.

And so help us, Fonterra has announced today that some of its products used in infant formula and sports drinks may contain a bacteria that causes botulism.

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