Todd needs to learn that some people will always disagree with him – and saying sorry is silly

Gotta have a word with one of our young-buck MPs, next time we are back in Parliament.

Clutha-Southland’s Todd Barclay has just done something that suggests he must have been eating much too much southern swede and his judgement has been impaired by this diet of stuff that’s best left for cows and sheep to tuck into.

This Barclay plonker has a Facebook page, which is something Alf has eschewed, and on this page he has made a remark about Campbell Live.

As a consequence he seems to have quickly learned something that is well understood by people who are not raised on a diet of swede.

He has learned that if you say something, a lot of people will agree with you and a lot of people will disagree.

And if a lot of people don’t agree with you, then that’s just too bad. They are probably lefties or greenies who will never vote for you, so you should forget all about them and what they said.

And if you must tell them something, well, tell them to go and get fucked.

Ah – now we know (and so does Len Brown) what happens when a mistress’s world falls apart

Gotta say it’s fascinating to learn what impulses kick in, when you lose an election.

This has never happened to your hard-working member for Eketahuna North, of course. It is a measure of his popularity and the voting public’s huge regard for him that he has galloped home by the proverbial country mile every time his name has been on a ballot paper.

The Labour sheila who stood against him at the last election perhaps had no expectation of winning. Hence her world did not fall apart when the inevitable happened and she was soundly defeated.

Not so in the case of the sheila at the centre of the Len Brown sex scandal.

Publicity-shy Aucklander should want us all to know he is frisky enough to jump on a car bonnet

We have two clues - he is aged around 46 and has been stressed.

Alf expected the Whale to be thrashing around in high dudgeon this morning, over the continued name suppression enjoyed by an Auckland bloke. He was not disappointed and refers his constituents to an item headed Smarty Devil in Disguise still afraid of his own name.

The Smarty Devil in question is described in the Herald as a high-profile household name but the newspaper goes no further in identifying him because the bloody judge has granted continued suppression of name.

His occupation may not be published, either.

But according to the Herald’s understanding, the bloke was arrested after an argument with his wife during which he jumped on the bonnet of their car in central Auckland.

Jumping on the bonnet of a car is not among the more heinous offences in this country and anyone caught doing it need not feel too ashamed. Indeed, Alf would be quite chuffed, were he known as someone who can jump on the bonnet of a car, because it is widely speculated among his constituents that he is not frisky enough nowadays to be able to perform such a feat.

Alf accordingly would demand that his name be published in such circumstances.

How Joanna Sihamu has made life hell for all male celebrities aged somewhere near 46

If it isn't Simon or John or Mike it must be...

Alf has huge sympathy for fellow celebrities whose names are being bandied by the public as speculation mounts over the identity of a 46-year-old household name arrested in Auckland.

Thanks to the misguided ruling of a namby-pamby magistrate, the media must not disclose the identity of a bloke who was arrested in Auckland’s Quay St on Wednesday and appeared in court on Thursday charged with disorderly conduct.

That decision has been regurgitated today by the Sunday Star-Times in a report that proceeds to narrow the range of possibilities by ruling out a few names.