Crikey, cobber – if the Aussies were to change their flag, one reason for changing ours would be gone

January 27, 2015

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Some Aussie bloke has popped up to wave the flag for a change of flag.

The Aussie flag, let’s be clear.

He’s a broadcaster by name of Ray Martin, which suggests his mouth is probably given more exercise than his brain, and accordingly his opinions should be regarded with a certain wariness.

But Alf is prepared to back the bugger on this occasion.

For starters, he was surprised to find an Aussie who knows how to spell “flag” and will be even more impressed if he finds an Aussie who knows how to fly one.

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There’s no molly-coddling when Indonesians get their hands on a drug trafficker

January 19, 2015

 

This looks like the end of his career in the drugs business.

This looks like a sure way of ensuring against repeat offending.

None of us should be too surprised to hear Prime Minister John Key say he can’t  intervene in the case of a Kiwi feller facing the death penalty in Indonesia for alleged drug smuggling.

The plight of Tony de Malmanche, 52, has been well publicised.

He was was on his first trip out of New Zealand when he was arrested in Indonesia last month, accused of trying to smuggle 1.7kg of methamphetamine into the country.

Alf hasn’t followed the case closely.

But he does know that being caught with drugs in that country – and many other parts of South-east Asia – is best avoided.

De Malmanche could be executed.

The best thing that can be said is that a death penalty would be carried out by firing squad, which seems much preferable to being strapped down – as happens in the US – to be executed with a lethal dose of drugs. Sometimes this can be botched, which can result in a long and painful death, although the nature of the crimes committed by the scoundrel who is being put to death means not too much sympathy for his suffering is aroused except among do-gooders.

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Golfers shouldn’t be handicapped – or barred from the trough – just because they fail a poverty test

December 24, 2014
It's just a case of making the right pitch to have the millions spent here...

It’s just a case of making the right pitch to have the millions spent here…

Alf’s good mate Steven Joyce is a beneficent bugger – a sort of Father Christmas for the well-off.

He distributes his largesse not on the basis of whether the beneficiary has been good or naughty over the past year, but whether he, she or it mixes in the right circles.

These are circles of people plush with money and an urge to donate to the National Party, usually to ensure against the election of a leftie or greenie government.

Steven accordingly would not have needed too much persuading when asked to consider whether taxpayers should bankroll the New Zealand Open golf tournament.

Too damned right they should.

Some niggly tossers ask: but will there be a positive return?

It doesn’t matter. We don’t get a positive return, so far as Alf can see, from the money biffed at domestic purpose beneficiaries and other people down on their uppers.

Why should golf be different?
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The only blemish to be found on Mike Sabin (so far as is known here in Eketahuna) are his tattoos

December 22, 2014

Alf would be mortified if anything amiss has happened to terminate the three-year political career of National Northland MP Mike Sabin.

He’s a good bloke, in Alf’s book, although he would be a much better one if he had bypassed the tats.

But according to the NZ Herald his political career is in the balance.

The Boss, who normally is keen to talk about anything he knows about (and things he knows nothing about too) is being chary.

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Well done, Boss – we are now reassured that those brain fades haven’t become a chronic condition

December 12, 2014

Memory-Upgrade-cartoonAlf’s memory isn’t up to much nowadays but he does recall some of The Boss’s struggles with forgetfulness.

There was the time when John could not remember being told of the Government Communications Security Bureau’s surveillance of internet tycoon Kim Dotcom.

And then there was the time – as TV3 reported – when he heard that most voters in a new poll thought the drinking age should have been raised to 20, and he said he agreed with them.

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We’re in sad shape, Boss, when someone like Jacinda can have you saying sorry for your quips

November 12, 2014
...at least, not until my jokes fall flat.

…at least, not until my jokes fall flat.

Dunno why The Boss is apologising for making a joking referenceto convicted murderer Phillip John Smith fleeing the country.

But he is apologising, according to the Herald and other media.

As everybody in the Eketahuna Club seems to know, Smith was let out on temporary release from jail without anyone having the wit to think maybe he should be electronically monitored.

He did a bunk and flew to Chile using a passport obtained in his birth name.

And – so far as the best guess has it – he is now somehow in Brazil.

Sure, it hasn’t been much fun for the family of Smith’s victims. They have said they were fearful and some got police protection.

But there’s a funny side to it, if you have a wry sense of humour, including the increasing evidence that maybe Smith should be running the Corrections Department instead of the officials now in charge.

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Sorry to say, it’s John Key who is dishing out the corporate swill – and he’s calling for more troughers

November 7, 2014

 It sounded highly laudable, when The Boss announced it.bloated-pig-approaching-trough

The Government is co-investing in two new projects as part of the Tourism Growth Partnership.

The press statement from his office explains that the Tourism Growth Partnership is a $32 million contestable Government fund which aims to support innovation and productivity in the tourism sector.

Let’s call it a trough.

For each project approved for investment, the Government provides up to 50 per cent of the required funding.

And [drum roll please] the latest winners are….

Sorry, that’s not the official way of announcing it.

No, The Boss would prefer we say the successful applicants in the second round of funding are Christchurch International Airport’s Welcome China Project, which will receive $270,000 in funding, and Southern World Vacation’s Limited which will receive $112,950.

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