That’s what we want from the PM – a clear warning that a vote for Peters is a vote against wider bridges

March 14, 2015

You’ve got to wonder why we bother hiring these high-flying press advisers, campaign strategists and what-have you.

The Boss has done the right thing on the Northland by-election campaign trail thanks to advice – freely given – by the Member for Eketahuna North.

The advice was to tell it like it is.

Our promises to build bloody bridges in a far-flung part of the country and give the locals broadband are blatant bribes.

Vote for some other plonker and we don’t pay up.

Because Alf is a firm believer in the vote-winning possibilities of bribes – or pork barrelling, if you are squeamish – he was delighted to hear the bridge-building plan announced when it looked like Winston Peters was in with a chance.

But he was dismayed when he heard:

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The only MPs pay reform we need is to introduce zero-hour contracts (but only for lefties and greens)

March 10, 2015

Good grief.

For a second successive day the Member for Eketahuna North has been seriously pissed off by the Taxpayers Union.

This time the irritant is a bloke by name of Ben Craven, who is described as a spokesman.

Niggler, more like it.

He accuses we politicians of trying to pull the wool over New Zealand taxpayers in relation to MP pay reform.

How so?

He is claiming that if the proposed policy changes had been in place since National came into office, which is 2008, MPs’ pay rises would have averaged 3.1% rather than the 1.7% that occurred.

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Don’t sniff too closely at our bridge upgrade plans – think instead of the scents of going for broke

March 9, 2015

pork-barrel-316
Roll out the barrel..

That was Alf’s advice when party chiefs consulted him at the weekend on how to counter the Peters threat.

No, he was not talking about rolling out the beer barrel to liquor up the locals. That would be bribery and bribery is seriously frowned upon in our electoral laws.

Alf was recommending we roll out the pork barrel.

Pork barreling, of course, is a term used to describe the appropriation of government spending for localised projects secured solely or primarily to bring money to a representative’s district.

Alf has recommended this tactic before, and the party bosses have listened.

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Pay rises and perks – some MPs say they don’t deserve them but here’s betting few give them back

February 27, 2015

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You can be sure the Dom-Post mob didn’t bother chatting with Alf.

The tossers are saying MPs are reluctant to accept an $8200 pay rise and are calling for the system that rewards them to be overhauled.

You can put your money on Alf not being among those breast-beating plonkers.

Come to think of it, you have put your money on Alf because you have been paying his salary every since he was first elected.

And now you will be putting a bit more into his pocket after the Remuneration Authority published its determination which hikes a back-bencher’s salary by 5.4 per cent to $156,000 a year.

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Ratana take the t-shirts off the backs of their people – and all because of a political joke

February 24, 2015

Those of you who bothered taking much notice (if any) of the politicians who flocked to the Ratana Church birthday bash a week or so ago probably missed it.

Alf most certainly can’t remember the media drawing attention to it, and they always pounce like vultures when they see this sort of thing.

The chance they missed -we now find – was a prime ministerial blue.

Yep. The Boss blundered.

Personally, Alf reckons he blundered simply by turning up there to pay homage to a bloke who claimed a century or so ago to have seen a vision.

Moreover he regarded this vision as divinely inspired,and he likened himself to Christ.

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A fuss about fund-raising, refunds and face-slapping – oh, and John Key come into the frame, too

February 22, 2015

Alf was drawn to a Sunday newspaper beatup today about a National MP receiving $25,000 from a controversial businessman after The Boss had a private dinner with him at the man’s home.

The donation will be be confirmed – readers are told – when electoral returns are published next week.

Before going beyond the first paragraph the long-serving Member for Eketahuna North was braced for phone calls from constituents demanding to know if he was the MP in question, and who in the neighbourhood was dishing out $25,000 donations.

But it quickly became clear no such calls were likely.

The donation in question harks back to the fuss about a Chinese gentleman by name of Donghua Liu.

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Up and at ’em – but let’s make sure this sovereignty stuff doesn’t rule out defending ourselves

February 13, 2015
With a bit of luck, our navigator got it wrong and this is a beach in Miami.

With a bit of luck, our navigator got it wrong and this is a beach in Miami.

It looks like it’s all on for Kiwi troops to be despatched to Iraq.

Iraq’s Foreign Minister Ibrahim al-Ja’afari today met a heavyweight bunch of Alf’s colleagues, The Boss,  Murray McCully and Gerry Brownlee.

There was a request for us to help his beleaguered country and as Radio NZ said:  

The request for support takes New Zealand one step closer to a decision on deploying troops to help train Iraqi forces, with back-up from special forces.

The Government has repeatedly ruled out the troops having any combat role.

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