The cops will turn up real fast if you ding a car – but where were they when Hone’s office was shot at?

August 23, 2014
"I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence."

“I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence.”

Some ungracious bastards will think it’s a shame Hone Harawira has survived unscathed after losing control of his car south of the Mangamuka Gorge.

Alf does not share this uncharitable view because he has been deeply steeped in the teachings of The Bible and has been conditioned by his religious upbringing to love his fellow man, although he might yield to temptation on occasion and say unkind things about lefties and greenies who don’t have to do too much to provoke him.

Alf further recognises that Hone is an indigenous person and therefore is entitled to special treatment, which should include special treatment from law-enforcement officers.

It seems he has been given special treatment, but not the sort that makes him happy.

Or rather, Hone reckons enforcement officers’ response rates differ, depending on whether he is a complainant or the driver of a crashed car.

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English royals are not beyond being convicted but a Kiwi judge regards a Maori royal as special

July 4, 2014
And one day the cap may make way for a crown.

And one day the cap may make way for a crown.

Princess Anne, back in 2002, became the first member of the Royal Family to be charged and convicted of a criminal offence. The first in modern days, at least.

This was a black day for Alf, who holds the royals in high esteem.

The only daughter of Queen Elizabeth pleaded guilty to allowing her bull terrier to run loose and attack two children.

The Guardian reported at the time :

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Son of the Maori King appeared before a judge who takes booze and career prospects into account

July 4, 2014

If you can pitch a defence about how your career will be damaged, should you fall foul of the law, then try to arrange for Judge Philippa Cunningham to hear your case.

Appropriate expressions of remorse will go down well with her, too.

And she may well look kindly on you if she believes an addiction to booze or whatever has been your downfall and you are willing to be weaned off it.

We can only imagine what sentence she would have dished up had she handled the Rolf Harris case, because his career is over and a conviction will not bugger up his employment prospects.

But back in his younger days it’s reasonable to suppose he would have been given a break in Judge Cunningham’s court – provided he was remorseful, which he hasn’t been so far.

His name may well have been suppressed, too.


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Robber with a booze problem who broke the bones of a pensioner at last gets the jail he deserves

June 6, 2013

Judge Philippa Cunningham has been given a lesson in how to deal with thugs by the Court of Appeal.

She went soft on a felon, taking into account his problem with booze and – ha – his claim to be remorseful, even though he refused to be involved in a restorative justice process.

The plonker in this case stole the life savings of a slightly built 82-year-old, leaving her with broken bones in the attack on her.

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Judge should have ordered child sex offender to see if he could get some laughs from prison inmates

September 6, 2011

They could do with a dose of laughter.

The outrage is mounting, after Judge Philippa Cunningham dealt bizarrely with a comedian who had pleaded guilty to a not-so-funny sexual offence against his infant daughter.

She let this fellow go free without conviction, partly because he “makes people laugh”.

He will still be making people laugh, because we don’t know who he is and therefore we can’t express our contempt for him by steering clear of his shows.

At sentencing in the Auckland District Court, Judge Philippa Cunningham said he had stopped drinking, paid a high price in his personal and work life, and had shown remorse.

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Court staff should be pilloried – not the holidaying judge – after unfortunate aborting of a rape trial

February 27, 2010

Don’t believe everything the newspapers tell you in their increasingly desperate efforts to lure you into reading a story.

A good example pops up in the Weekend Herald: Holiday for judge aborts rape trial.

Bugger me, Alf thought. Have the wheels of justice ground to a halt in a rape case because the judge flitted off for a vacation?

Alf’s sense that the judge had caused some sort of judicial mayhem was heightened by the Herald’s introductory paragraph:

A rape complainant will be forced to give evidence twice after the trial of her alleged attacker was aborted because the judge went on an overseas holiday.

Good grief. Not only will the unfortunate complainant have to go through the ordeal of testifying and being cross-examined all over again.

Taxpayers will have to pay for a second trial.

The bloody judge should have stalled her holiday plans, surely.
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