Let’s flag John Key’s next press conference – it will be humiliating, after a wayward wager on the Warriors

October 3, 2011

The price to be paid for taking a bad bet.

It could have been worse.

The Boss could have been as daft, in the wager department, as the retiring Green MP, Keith Locke, who made his valedictory speech last week.

Mr Locke recalled losing a bet when ACT MP Rodney Hide won the Epsom seat in 2005 and having to run down an Auckland street naked.

“I’m no less into gambling although I’m tempted to put something on the Warriors to win the NRL grand final.”

It’s a measure of his judgement that he would have lost that bet too.

Alf would never put his money on a team that is headquartered in Auckland.

But alas, The Boss is not so chary and he put his money on the Warriors, too.

Or rather, he put our flag on the outcome of the match.

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It’ s just as well Kevin Rudd is a good diplomat and won’t give advice to Goff on how to handle the reds

March 27, 2011

So if Phil can't get any advice from Kevin Rudd, maybe he should consult this bloke.

A bizarre Radio NZ item news item jolted Alf from his sleep.

The nub of it was that former Australian prime minister Kevin Rudd was saying he has no leadership advice for Phil Goff.

It went on to report what already was well known – that questions are being raised about the Labour leader’s future because of his handling of the media ruckus over a police investigation involving former list MP Darren Hughes, who resigned on Friday.

If any of Alf’s constituents give a toss about Goff and his possible fate at the hands of his power-hungry caucus colleagues, they can look here and here.

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Encountering Nick in the nick (well, almost) would be unedifying but shouldn’t induce trauma

March 11, 2011

Another layer of business suit would lift his image.

But Mrs Grumble would welcome this bloke to Eketahuna.

Dunno what the bloody fuss is about.

It transpires that Nick Smith has been spotted wandering through the Wellington suburb of Thorndon in his bathing trunks – our Nick in the near nick, you could say.

The thought of it is somewhat challenging for Mrs Grumble.

So far as she is concerned, someone like Daniel Craig could walk all the way from Thorndon to Eketahuna in his trunks, and she would make no fuss – at least, not of the complaining sort.

To the contrary, she would hope the whole trek was broadcast live on the telly.

And when he got to Eketahuna, she would be out there to personally welcome him to town.

But Mrs Grumble is grateful Nick Smith’s jaunt was not photographed, and that pictures of Smith in his togs were not posted on the web or on the front page of the Dom-Post, because she would rather not know what the bugger looks like without the protection of a business suit. Preferably two business suits.

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If Metiria were PM (perish the thought) she would have told Gillard to get pedalling

February 16, 2011

The Government's VIP fleet in the highly improbable event of our having a Green Party Prime Minister.

The Greens didn’t take long to get back on top of Alf’s grumble list.

The buggers were up there two days ago, for their antics over Julia Gillard’s address to Parliament (which Alf has attended).

And they are there again today for kicking up a fuss over the Government’s ordering of a fleet of brand new BMWs.

Green Grinch co-leader Metiria Turei says this shows the Government is divorced from the needs of the public.

Radio NZ (and others) are reporting the details in a way that is bound to arouse public hostility.

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Grouchy Greens need garroting for gazzumping the Gillard precedent

February 14, 2011

Russel Norman didn't want to set a precedent by letting us try out these new-fangled round wheels.

Dunno what the graceless Greens think they are trying to prove, by tampering with arrangments for Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s speech to Parliament.

From Alf’s point of view, let’s be clear, Ms Gillard has a few strikes against her.

She is an Aussie, she is a Labour politician, and she is a woman trying to do a man’s job.

She has a Strine accent which, if it could be bottled, would serve as a fast-selling and highly effective paint stripper.

She has red hair, a sure sign of character defects.

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As the movie moguls fly in, Phil Goff flies out – but will he confront Simon Whipp?

October 25, 2010

The good news: Phil Goff is off to Australia.

The bad news: he has a return ticket.

But he won’t be back in time to help or hamper desperate effort to repair the damage done by threats of an international actors’ boycott of The Hobbit.

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So they’ll tan Gillard’s hide when she dies, folk, and you’ll find it hanging in the shed

August 22, 2010

Harry could finish up as a handbag like this, but Gillard's hide is much thicker...

Alf expects heads to roll in the aftermath of the Aussie election.

Yeah, the pundits are saying it’s too close to call.

But Alf is ready to predict the rolling of a red-head, the Gillard woman, whose toppling will be no great shame and will have the great benefit of sparing us further exposure to a Strine voice so acerbic it will strip paint from anything within 50 metres.

The second head to go will be that of the crocodile whose psychic powers are about as strong as those in Alf’s dunny seat, which are not much.

The expectation that those heads will roll follows naturally from news that Australia is facing its first hung parliament since 1940.

The ABC is tipping the Coalition to have 73 seats in the House of Representatives, with Labor on 72, four independents and one Green.

Coalition leader Tony Abbott is saying he stands ready to govern Australia.
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