The cops will turn up real fast if you ding a car – but where were they when Hone’s office was shot at?

August 23, 2014
"I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence."

“I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence.”

Some ungracious bastards will think it’s a shame Hone Harawira has survived unscathed after losing control of his car south of the Mangamuka Gorge.

Alf does not share this uncharitable view because he has been deeply steeped in the teachings of The Bible and has been conditioned by his religious upbringing to love his fellow man, although he might yield to temptation on occasion and say unkind things about lefties and greenies who don’t have to do too much to provoke him.

Alf further recognises that Hone is an indigenous person and therefore is entitled to special treatment, which should include special treatment from law-enforcement officers.

It seems he has been given special treatment, but not the sort that makes him happy.

Or rather, Hone reckons enforcement officers’ response rates differ, depending on whether he is a complainant or the driver of a crashed car.

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Rotorua could show where co-governance is taking us – to cities run by Maori tribal councils

August 22, 2013

Being brought up with a world view shaped by his proud British heritage, Alf has been apt to bridle every time he learns of yet another Treaty-based co-governance system being imposed on one of our communities.

Most critically, and glaringly obviously, these arrangements debase our democracy and our notions of unity.

One party to the co-governance arrangement is accountable to all the people. The other party is not. The division is racial.

As a staunch champion of democratic systems, your hard-working MP for Eketahuna North could only become seriously hot and bothered each time bloody Chris Finlayson signed off on one of these deals with a smugly self-satisfied smirk on his face.

But how far will it go?

Much further, if the indigenous people have their way. These are our special people and some of them are scheming on introducing a very special system of governance for our local authorities.

They want to get rid of city councils and run the show with tribal councils.

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It has happened only once, so far, but no matter – the very special Maori King has made it a tradition

June 16, 2013

Alf has enormous regard for the indigenous people of this country, who – by virtue of the New Zealand Government signing some Declaration of the Rights of Indigenous People – have officially been deemed “special”.

Alf’s mate and former Parliamentary colleague, Simon Power, said as much in a ministerial statement on 20 April 2010.

It was a ministerial statement he made as Minister of Justice on the matter of the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples and it explained why our wonderful government supported it.

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Thanks for the cultural reprimand, Tuku – but now go and check out how long water has been here

September 17, 2012

Alf remembers Tuku Morgan as a bloke with a high regard for his nether regions, which he adorned in top-quality undies.

This is noted at Wikipedia (here), which reminds us that during Tuku’s term in Parliament he was involved in a number of controversies.

One scandal in 1997 revolved around his spending NZ$4000 of Aotearoa Television funds on clothes including a pair of $89 underpants.

Mrs Grumble admires a fellow who dresses well and while she questioned whether the public should have funded Tuku’s shopping for a wardrobe, she could not fault the splendid way he looked after being mockered up in $4000 worth of duds, although (she confided to her sister-in-law) she would rather have liked to see him in his undies.

As things turned out, his parliamentary career didn’t last all that long and he has finished up as an adviser or a courtier or whatever in the court of King Tuheitia.

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The Maori King didn’t piss around – he made plain who owns the water (and it isn’t the Crown)

September 14, 2012

Waikato-Tainui accepted a co-governance deal – but now they want the lot.

Alf must have missed something somewhere about this water malarkey.

First, he was led to believe Maori claims to water were something to do with rights, not actual ownership.

Second, he was led to believe Pita Sharples would not attend the national hui set up by that Maori king bloke in the Waikato.

Just a few weeks ago the Waitangi Tribunal – urging the Government to halt the partial sale of Mighty River Power – said the partial privatisation would affect the Government’s ability to make redress to Maori rights in water.

It called for an urgent national hui to find solutions to questions around how Maori rights over fresh water are recognised.

The Government duly delayed the Mighty River Power float until next March or April.

It said it would consult iwi associated with waterways used by Mighty River Power but rejected any pan-Maori approach to settle water claims.

But Maori obviously intend to up the ante in their campaign to control all our water before they move on to take control of the wind and the air we breath.

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The protocols are important when His Maori Majesty is holding one of his balls

May 19, 2011

No, you can't come in without gowns and tiaras.

As an unabashed monarchist, Alf is thrilled to see Maori are adopting protocols of the sort one would encounter at Buckingham Palace.

This demonstrates that King Tuheitia is willing to learn from the Crown side of the treaty partnership about how to run the royalty racket.

Having a chief of protocol is an important part of the rigmarole.

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Way to go, your Maori Majesty – and may we draw your attention to the merits of a few beheadings

December 7, 2010

A monarch with balls doesn't have to be too figurative when chopping heads.

Not for the first time, the monarchy-admiring Alf is given cause to express his admiration for a king who behaves in a kingly way.

He refers, of course, to King Tuheitia, the Maori monarch, who has sacked a top Tainui figure after she wrote a critical report she wrote about the tribe’s finances.

Something to do with preserving his mana, Alf understands.

The Herald describes this as an extraordianry step, although Alf can only express surprise that it doesn’t happen more often. If a bloke has monarchical authority, he should bloody well use it.

King Tuheitia, indeed, has been a bit slow in removing one Tania Martin, an elected official, as the chairwoman of Waikato-Tainui’s parliament Te Kauhanganui, which represents the tribe’s 66 marae.

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