Hipkins had been rubbished already by critics left and right – but (yawn) here comes a cultural riposte

Dunno where Tariana Turia has been, these last few days.

Somewhere far behind the eight ball, apparently.

She has just despatched a media statement (here) to dismiss accusations of conflict of interest against our Hekia as “ridiculous”.

Co-leader of the Māori Party, Tariana Turia, has spoken out about the ‘ridiculous’ accusations levelled at Hekia Parata over a supposed conflict of interest with a ‘second cousin’.

“If Hekia’s whānau is anything like ours, there will be literally hundreds of whanaunga that might be described as a second or third cousin, twice removed – or whatever the correct terminology is” said Mrs Turia.

Alf had thought this matter was no longer on the commentariat’s agenda.

Yawn.

Is is there anything left to discuss???

The Embassy Winston set up may be closed – so who will sound a warning against ticks?

We should not be surprised hear Winston Peters bleating about the planned Foreign Affairs job losses and the closure of overseas posts.

He’s strong on spending public money but Alf can’t recall him being too strong on finding ways of making savings.

The job cuts at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade were portended in a State Services Commission report last year. The ministry was looking at slashing 200 jobs out of almost 1000, it said.

The newspapers today are saying an announcement on the details is expected soon.

That’s given Peters a platform for prattling about the implications, although Peters has a knack for turning anything into a platform for prattling.

Mana needs to hone its analytical skills – and it should be more wary of positive poll portents next time

"It's mum...she reckons we've got enough seats for me to be the Prime Minister."

A capacity for good political analysis seems to be lacking within the Mana Party.

The buggers are arguing the toss today about whether the election result was good or bad for them, after leader Hone Harawira reclaimed his Te Tai Tokerau seat, but the party failed to capture enough of the party vote to bring a second MP into Parliament.

Co-president Annette Sykes was in the latter group, saying she was “far from disappointed”.

Given that the party was formed only seven months before the election, 20,000 votes was a huge achievement.

Some miracles are to be marvelled at, but the resurrection of Winston Peters is not one of them

Good to see you, Lazarus ... but bringing that Peters fellow back from the dead won't be so easy.

It’s the stuff of nightmares, Alf wrote a year ago – “Winston and his mob have risen from the dead”.

The awful news to trigger that dismay came from a media release from an outfit called Horizonpolls. It was headlined New Zealand First May Decide Which Main Party Governs

John Roughan, a columnist at the NZ Herald, was as derisive as Alf was dismayed.

He complained that this media release proclaimed the premature start of The Silly Season.

His tart tone no doubt was influenced by the fact the Sunday Star-Times, owned by the Fairfax mob, had given front-page treatment to to the poll pointing to Winston’s political resurrection.

Spare us the wailing from sheilas who haven’t checked what the PM said about Working for Families

Poverty affects rugby, too - these poor buggers can't afford togs.

A couple of sheilas up Waikato way are complaining about the Government giving money to the Rugby World Cup ahead of poverty-stricken women.

But Alf has cause to seriously question their grasp of things after reading a media statement they have issued.

The buggers are bothered about gender equality.

And they are hostile towards Government plans to chip in a bit more money for the Rugby World Cup, although this seems an extraordinarily worthy cause.

Their hostility towards this expenditure amounts to hostility towards rugby, which Alf is sure would be a treasonable offence in their part of the country if Waikato was a sovereign state.

If Metiria were PM (perish the thought) she would have told Gillard to get pedalling

The Government's VIP fleet in the highly improbable event of our having a Green Party Prime Minister.

The Greens didn’t take long to get back on top of Alf’s grumble list.

The buggers were up there two days ago, for their antics over Julia Gillard’s address to Parliament (which Alf has attended).

And they are there again today for kicking up a fuss over the Government’s ordering of a fleet of brand new BMWs.

Green Grinch co-leader Metiria Turei says this shows the Government is divorced from the needs of the public.

Radio NZ (and others) are reporting the details in a way that is bound to arouse public hostility.

A blind eye is turned to Waitangi Day koha – so can other businesses charge discriminatory fees?

Horatio Nelson...he would have spotted the discrimination even if he looked with his blind eye.

Alf was driven yesterday to question what is so big deal about the Maori way of sorting out Hone Harawira’s differences with the rest of his Maori Party caucus.

Today he is looking into The Maori Way of plundering the Pakeha news media.

At first glimpse it seems calculated to land the buggers in big trouble with the Race Relations police.

Plans are afoot to impose a $1000 fee on the general media to go on to a marae on Waitangi Day, but no fee will be imposed on Maori media.

Hello.

Does anyone get the faintest whiff of discrimination here?

Alf imagines opening up a business – let’s say – as a barber.

He will offer free haircuts to the general population.

But if you are a Maori he will whop you with a $50 charge for his services.

No, he won’t go broke, because long before his capital has evaporated we can count on a warning shot being fired across his bows by Joris de Bres, and if the warning is ignored, he will be prosecuted.

It’s a monstrous case of media discrimination – the cameras follow Carter but again give Alf a miss

Bugger - who let the TV3 cameras in on my Christmas?

So why haven’t the buggers in the Speaker’s Office alerted the news media to Alf’s holiday travel plans?

He would jump at the chance to be pictured climbing into his modest Mazda Atenza – a 2004 job – before driving to Taihape for a modest Christmas dinner with other members of the modest Grumble family.

Indeed, he offered TV3 a few hundred bucks if they would take such pictures and screen them on their news programme, but they somewhat impolitely turned down the offer.

The problem, probably, is that he is happily married to Mrs Grumble and they have three children and several grandchildren (Alf has lost count of how many exactly). This makes him remarkably ordinary, despite his accomplishments on behalf of his electorate.

Hence Alf is throughly pissed off to learn that Chris Carter, the bald-pated poof who happens to be an MP on the other side of the parliamentary divide, is saying the media have ruined his summer holiday after the itinerary for his taxpayer-subsidised trip to Sri Lanka was leaked.

Talking about fat – isn’t that a fitting word to describe Michael Laws’ mouth?

Alf shares David Farrar’s disapproval of Radio host Michael Laws for calling Governor-General Sir Anand Satyanand a “large, fat man” who has “never left” the buffet table.

The absurdity of the remark is obvious to a clear-thinking bloke like Alf: most New Zealanders have seen photos of Sir Anand at functions, such as investiture ceremonies, where he is nowhere near a buffet table.

He has to leave the buffet table to do the paper work that turns bills into laws.

And while Alf has not actually seen the GG in bed, he imagines he does sleep in one, and not on a buffet tble.

And so on…

In short, Laws has been lean on facts and obese on fatuousness.

More jobs, please – oh, and can we can get a bigger pay packet, too?

Talk about wanting a bob each way (preferably without having to work for it).

The trade unions that have been hollering for a hefty hike in the minimum wage are now demanding the Government create new jobs.

Labour similarly wants a higher minimum wage and more jobs.

The pressure for more jobs followed the disappointing news that the unemployment rate had risen to 7.3% in the December quarter.