The cops will turn up real fast if you ding a car – but where were they when Hone’s office was shot at?

August 23, 2014
"I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence."

“I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence.”

Some ungracious bastards will think it’s a shame Hone Harawira has survived unscathed after losing control of his car south of the Mangamuka Gorge.

Alf does not share this uncharitable view because he has been deeply steeped in the teachings of The Bible and has been conditioned by his religious upbringing to love his fellow man, although he might yield to temptation on occasion and say unkind things about lefties and greenies who don’t have to do too much to provoke him.

Alf further recognises that Hone is an indigenous person and therefore is entitled to special treatment, which should include special treatment from law-enforcement officers.

It seems he has been given special treatment, but not the sort that makes him happy.

Or rather, Hone reckons enforcement officers’ response rates differ, depending on whether he is a complainant or the driver of a crashed car.

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English royals are not beyond being convicted but a Kiwi judge regards a Maori royal as special

July 4, 2014
And one day the cap may make way for a crown.

And one day the cap may make way for a crown.

Princess Anne, back in 2002, became the first member of the Royal Family to be charged and convicted of a criminal offence. The first in modern days, at least.

This was a black day for Alf, who holds the royals in high esteem.

The only daughter of Queen Elizabeth pleaded guilty to allowing her bull terrier to run loose and attack two children.

The Guardian reported at the time :

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Son of the Maori King appeared before a judge who takes booze and career prospects into account

July 4, 2014

If you can pitch a defence about how your career will be damaged, should you fall foul of the law, then try to arrange for Judge Philippa Cunningham to hear your case.

Appropriate expressions of remorse will go down well with her, too.

And she may well look kindly on you if she believes an addiction to booze or whatever has been your downfall and you are willing to be weaned off it.

We can only imagine what sentence she would have dished up had she handled the Rolf Harris case, because his career is over and a conviction will not bugger up his employment prospects.

But back in his younger days it’s reasonable to suppose he would have been given a break in Judge Cunningham’s court – provided he was remorseful, which he hasn’t been so far.

His name may well have been suppressed, too.

 

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A boy racer, maybe – but if so, he’s a right royal boy racer simply doing what blue bloods are apt to do

June 6, 2011

"Well, I won't be breaking any speed limits in this bloody thing."

It’s good to see the Maori Royal Family are getting the hang of the royalty business.

A bit of scandal is part of it.

This includes breaking the speed limit, if we are to follow the example of European royals, but a blue-blooded young buck could get up to other sorts of mischief.

Pump the words “royal” and “scandal” into Google, and you will get plenty of hits.

The Telegraph, one of Alf’s favourite newspapers, wrapped up a few of them in one article.

Example:

In 1891, the Duke of Clarence, son of the future Edward VII, discussed the possibility of paying off two prostitutes he had met, in exchange for the return of two letters he had sent to them.

Details of the Duke’s indiscretions did not come to light until incriminating letters were auctioned at Bonhams in 2002 for £8,220.

Writing at the time, the Duke confided: “I am very pleased that you have been able to settle with Miss Richardson, although £200 is rather expensive for letters.

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