Our cops deserve something fit for a SWOT team … but must settle for something more rustic

February 19, 2015
Our cops are getting this.

They will go crime-fighting with this…

No, not this...

…rather than this.

Alf was seriously excited  – for a while at least – by a report from Littlefield, Arkansas.

It said the Littlefield Police Department had acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a US Department of Defense programme that distributed surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the USA.

The device, which is ten times more powerful than the bomb detonated over Hiroshima in World War II, will be used to deter crime in Littlefield and the greater Jasper County area, Police Chief Jefferson Bailey said.

“There will be no more crime in Littlefield,” Bailey said, “Because if there is, I’ll blow this town sky-high.”

Many of Littlefield’s 15,000 residents, according to the report, had  expressed concern over its police department’s acquisition of the nuclear weapon and the guidelines governing its potential use.

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Sorry to hear Mike Sabin is quitting but let’s look on the bright side for law and order

January 30, 2015

 

And if we can't find a stretch  of clean water - too bad.

And if we can’t find a stretch of clean water – too bad.

Alf has been hugely heartened by the opportunity which opened today for him to replace Mike Sabin as chairman of the select committee that deals with law and order matters. It’s a great chance to promote a harder stance on crime and criminals.

Sabin, of course, has been at the centre of reports he is being investigated by police over an alleged assault.

Alf would have thought an alleged assault is easily investigated. He is bothered at having to suppose that, if there has been such an investigation, the matter of who did what to whom has taken a helluva long time to sort out.

Trouble is, Mike became awfully circumspect about the the matter and The Boss’s silence hasn’t helped stem the flow of conjecture and rumour.

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Dear Crusher: If it’s good enough for zoo keepers to shoot to kill escapers, why not prison escapers too?

May 7, 2011

.

Is this Crusher popping down to the shops?


Mrs Grumble has just typed a letter for Alf to sign and send to the admirable Corrections Minister, Crusher Collins.

Alf was tempted to raise the matter of Crusher’s petrol expenses, but decided that would be counter-productive.

It would be apt to get her back up, and when Crusher gets her back up she can become more than somewhat shrewish.

But more of that later.

Alf’s purpose was to recommend the hiring of Paul Horton for a job in the Corrections Service, to look after our more dangerous prison inmates.

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Please, please Sandra – tell us the professor has got it wrong in dismissing you as a dumb moral pygmy

September 21, 2010

Alf is a tad bewildered by party colleague Sandra Goudie’s indifference to what he regards as harsh criticism.

She seems remarkably unbothered that a university wallah with some credentials in the law racket is reported to have put the boot into the Law and Order Select Committee, which she chairs.

Otago University’s associate professor Andrew Geddis, the wallah in question, is saying National and Act Party members of the aforementioned committee have no regard for basic individual rights.

So far, so good. Having no regard for basic individual rights will probably go down well with most voters in this country.

But then comes the damaging bit: he also reckons they have come up with a bit of legislation that will give William Bell, Graeme Burton and Clayton Weatherston the vote.

More than that, the select committee’s recommendations to the House – if passed into law – would mean any other murderer, rapist or violent criminal currently serving a sentence of more than three years will get to vote at the next election.

The professor accordingly is saying the Nats and ACT members of the committee

… are not only moral pygmies, but they are really, really dumb.too

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