Give us a break – you don’t have to increase your rumpy-pumpy to look younger

It mightn’t be the elixir of life, but it certainly gives rise to new life.

Alf refers, of course, to copulation.

There’s been a bit of it going on – obviously – because when Mrs Grumble checked around 6.20pm today with a site here that keeps track of the world’s population, there had been 276,600 births during the day and net population growth of around 158,000 because not enough oldies were popping off to make way for the newcomers.

The net population is bound to keep growing at an increasing pace, if people put into practice the advice conveyed in a report in the The Telegraph (here). It recommends sex as the secret to looking younger.

Italian migrants are welcome – but here’s hoping we find jobs for them on dry land

They are not so clever when it comes to captaining cruise liners, apparently.

Alf was delighted to read that that New Zealand is proving a favoured place for European immigrants trying to escape the economic downturn.

This reflects well on the country: it’s a great place to live in, although not too many of the migrants have yet discovered that Eketahuna is the best part of the country to live in.

It also reflects well on the Government in which Alf is proud to serve: our economic management obviously is superior to that of the governments in the countries from which the migrants are coming.

Or rather, these migrants obviously believe we run a good shop.

But the Herald today published some dastardly stuff about costs of living increasing in New Zealand and wages not increasing to match, while Australians enjoy longer lives and lower unemployment.

Take your pick – booze or cabbage water – but be very aware of how your sperm count might be affected

She's from the cabbage school of thinking.

You can go along with oldies who champion the regular consumption of cabbage water for ensuring longevity, if that’s what you fancy.

Alf is much more inclined to support (and live by) the findings of American researchers who have reinforced the theory that a tipple a day is good for your health.

That’s a tipple of something alcoholic, although it is somewhat disquieting to learn the findings apply only to women.

He was not surprised that some New Zealand academics question the idea.

Their namby-pamby thinking reinfoces the zeal of the wowsers who want to push the price of booze to prohibitive levels to discourage its consumption by the minority of trouble-makers in the community who binge on the stuff.

We can put Labour associate justice spokeswoman Lianne Dalziel in this camp, it seems. She is quoted as saying Labour advocates toughening the Alcohol Reform Bill by imposing minimum legal prices for standard drinks and further restrictions on alcohol advertising.

Blood test that can predict our longevity will be a powerful tool in shaping savings policy

Alf was alerted to a Spanish company’s announcement that it can help determine when people will die by using a blood sample, a US$700 test, and research that earned three American geneticists the Nobel Prize in medicine in 2009.

The tip-off came from a Freakonomics post which raises very important political issues.

For example, if governments obliged citizens to take such tests to find out how long each of us will live, they will have a powerful tool for dealing with the savings problem.

As happens in this country, pervasive under-saving among American households is a consequence of the fact we don’t know how long our savings need to last.

Save too much and you miss out on having fun when you’re alive. Save too little and you end up broke and reliant on the social safety net that taxpayers fund.

But let’s not jump the gun.