Dammit, for a moment or two today Alf felt he had been harshly treated.
A bunch of Kiwis had been awarded something called the LUSH Prize.
Alf imagined that if a LUSH prize was up for grabs, someone somewhere surely had nominated him.
The idea he had missed out was enough to drive him – well, to drink, actually.
But Mrs Grumble soon put him right.
This, she assured him, was a LUSH Prize that no hard-working anti-PC redneck would want to win.
This was assuring.
And indeed, it was a prize Alf would not want to display in his trophy cabinet.
The award was the 2014 LUSH Prize for lobbying against animal testing.
It was made to an outfit called the the New Zealand Anti-Vivisection Society.
The buggers are obviously proud of it, because they issued a media statement to brag that they had won it for having animal testing of legal highs banned.