Crumbs – bakers learn the hard way that when gays want something, the law will give it to them

Maurice Williamson, a splendid fellow in many respects, got offside with the Grumbles on the matter of gay marriage.

During the debate on that subject he set out his opinions in an article in the Howick and Pakuranga Times.

The general flavour from those opposed is the world is about to fall apart if the Marriage Amendment Bill is passed.

Some think its passing will somehow devalue their marriage. I can tell you this now – it won’t.

I’ve had a Catholic priest advocating that I’m supporting something that’s so unnatural – interesting from one who has vowed to be celibate for his entire life.

In the mid 1980s, people claimed the same thing of the homosexual law reform.

At that time some of the most ghastly outcomes were prophesied. Fortunately, none of those outrageous consequences came to pass.

Fast forward to 2013 and some of the rhetoric being bandied around now about the Marriage Amendment Bill is simply absurd.

Let’s boil the Bill down to its simplest form – it will allow consenting gay couples to get married.

You would think from the way some people are carrying on that politicians are trying to make gay marriage compulsory for everyone. We’re not.

A fuss about fund-raising, refunds and face-slapping – oh, and John Key come into the frame, too

Alf was drawn to a Sunday newspaper beatup today about a National MP receiving $25,000 from a controversial businessman after The Boss had a private dinner with him at the man’s home.

The donation will be be confirmed – readers are told – when electoral returns are published next week.

Before going beyond the first paragraph the long-serving Member for Eketahuna North was braced for phone calls from constituents demanding to know if he was the MP in question, and who in the neighbourhood was dishing out $25,000 donations.

But it quickly became clear no such calls were likely.

The donation in question harks back to the fuss about a Chinese gentleman by name of Donghua Liu.

A bit left of centre you’ll find a feller who is trying to flush out how Steffan Browning earns his keep

Alf took umbrage yesterday at a Stuff political hack’s focus on the fall of two former ministers, Crusher Collins and Maurice Williamson, to the bottom of the party pecking order.

Trouble was, this hack also saw fit to disclose their pay and perk entitlements.

This was discomforting for the Member for Eketahuna North because it was apt to give his constituents a pretty good idea of his earnings.

But today is another day and – hey – there has been a change of heart.

That’s because Alf has been familiarising himself with a new blog, Slightly Left of Centre, operated by a feisty  bugger by name of Josh Foreman.

This Foreman feller questioned the Greens about what Steffan Browning has done to earn his keep.

See who’s on the bottom rung of the National MPs’ pecking order – yep, its Maurice and Crusher

“If we formed another party and became co-leaders, we would each get a bigger share of this swill.”

Not for the first time, Alf is seriously pissed off with a Parliamentary Press Gallery hack who has seen fit to draw attention to MPs’ pay packets and perks.

It was not done directly by naming Alf.

It was done, nevertheless, by drawing attention to the salaries and perks of some fellow back-benchers. The good citizens of Eketahuna North are a bright bunch, quite capable of working out – roughly – the going rate for their local member.

Next bloody thing you know  they will be asking him to do the shouting, either in the pub or at the Eketahuna Club, because obviously he is paid much too much and can afford it .

The Cabinet Club here in Eketahuna North is focused more on tippling than peddling influence

Good old Tau has summed things up pretty nicely when he says Opposition attacks on National Party fundraisers, where individuals can pay for access to ministers, is Labour Party envy.

Alf is bound to say he was deeply disappointed by Labour and NZ First attacks on the Government yesterday and their claims to have proof that The Boss was involved in talks to ease citizenship restrictions for wealthy foreign investors.

As Stuff explains here, those allegations came out of reports on National Party events run throughout the country, called Cabinet Clubs.

Labour can’t have Cabinet Clubs because they are in opposition. They are bound to stay there, too.

They could try running Shadow Cabinet Clubs, of course, although Alf can’t imagine why anyone would talk to the shadowy buggers who would be the best they could provide by way of star turns.

Let’s hear it for Damien: the National Party coffers have done nicely from his giving officials the fingers

It’s not often Alf feels the urge to acclaim the decisions of Labour politicians.

He is happy to make an exception in the case of one decision made by West Coast-Tasman MP Damien O’Connor, the Immigration Minister who over-rode the advice of his officials to allow Chinese businessman Donghua Liu into New Zealand.

Firstly, Liu’s subsequent brush with the law triggered events that led to Maurice Williamson’s forced resignation in recent days after it emerged he called high-level police officers about an investigation into Liu.

This is bad news for Maurice, who happens to be one of Alf’s mates.

But – ahem, let’s confess to a bit of self-interest here – his resignation has created a ministerial vacancy.

Maurice’s modesty might keep him at home – so who knows a much more immodest MP?

Nah, we can’t see Maurice doing this…but we can suggest a replacement.

Alf tonight has done his mate Maurice Williamson a big favour.

He has written a nice letter to the producers of the Ellen DeGeneres show, who seem determined to do a programme with the focus on him.

But Maurice – being the modest fellow we know and love – is having none of it.

He wants the focus to be on New Zealand.

The Herald reported on Maurice’s problem today (here):

Let’s brace for another hikoi – but this one is too late, because bits of NZ have been sold already

The tossers who are organising a hikoi, in the aftermath of the latest Crafar farms sale decision, should get together with the tossers at the Campaign Against Foreign Control of Aotearoa.

They both seem to have a problem with foreign investment in New Zealand.

But one of them is saying Aotearoa is not for sale and the other is saying too much of it has been sold already.

A hikoi, of course, is the Maori way of getting from the Far North to Wellington without air tickets so they can wave placards and shout abuse at politicians.

Alf accordingly is bracing to be abused yet again in a fortnight or so because the Crafar sale decision has triggered plans for another one.

Maurice is a bit of a lad and so doesn’t have to try to become one by telling Muslim jokes

Dunno where the media have been, when they get all excited about Maurice Williamson cracking jokes.

We all know Maurice has a great sense of fun.

Indeed, without a great sense of fun it would be hard to see what he’s got going for him.

This being so, Alf was by no means surprised to learn that –

Whuck it all, wy not just rename the place and call it Wankernui

Alf is all for renaming the city at the mouth of the Whanganui River. He would call it Wankernui, after its infamous loud-mouthed mayor.

His thinking is influenced by the carry-on of Mayor Michael Laws after TVNZ decided it would go with the “H”.

Laws condemned a TV One News editorial decision – announced during its primetime bulletin – that it would spell Wanganui as ”Whanganui” and pronounce it as “Faa-ganui” – as “anti-democratic, PC garbage”.