President Malcolm? The SST has gone beyond the pale with that idea for constitutional change

April 28, 2013

They’ve got to be kidding – aren’t they?

The awful tossers who run things at the Sunday Star-Times today have gone beyond the pale by tossing up the names of Robyn Malcolm, Dave Dobbyn and Jason Gunn as prospective Presidents of New Zealand.

Dame Susan Devoy, Richie McCaw and Bernece Mene are on the list too, plus two lefties – Geoffrey Palmer and Helen Clark – and just one obvious Nat, John Key, who already has a job as our leader.

The name of Alf Grumble is glaringly absent, but perhaps that’s because the editors at the Sunday rag recognise that Alf would never put his hand up as a candidate for President of NZ, because he happens to be a staunch monarchist, and sees this constitutional review nonsense as precisely that. Nonsense.

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Good grief – the Palace could become Buckingham Hotel if Charles becomes King

October 24, 2011

The good news about Andrew Marr, a British broadcaster, is that he has abandoned republicanism after spending two years following the Queen across Britain and on several trips abroad.

Nope – not because he was impressed by her budget-trimming approach to the celebrating of her diamond jubilee next year (more of which later in this post).

Alf has just read of Marr saying his time spent with the ‘shrewd, wise and kind’ Queen has helped to transform him from a republican to a monarchist.

The not so good news is his disclosure of Prince Charles’s secret plan to ‘move out of Buckingham Palace and turn it into a museum’ once he becomes King

Or is a hotel on his agenda?

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Changes to royal rules of succession would be a step much too far in favour of bloody women’s libbers

October 17, 2011

Well bugger me, Alf spluttered on hearing of changes afoot for the monarchy. It looks like another serious setback for blokedom.

Under the new deal, our future Kings or Queens – yep ours, coz we haven’t become a republic yet despite the best efforts of a bunch of constitutional reform tossers – would be decided simply by order of birth.

This means a first-born daughter of William and Kate will accede to the throne regardless of any male siblings under new plans which have been personally approved by the Queen.

It also means the Princess Royal would leapfrog over her younger brothers, Princes Andrew and Edward, to rise from tenth to fourth in the royal pecking order in the line to the throne.

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The Jones boy is acting mighty peculiar with his reform ideas and should surrender his knighthood

February 28, 2010

Alf observes that Bob Jones is named – alongside Peta Mathias, CK Stead and Rob Hamill – among prominent New Zealanders who have come out in support of Green MP Keith Locke’s bill for a referendum on the monarchy.

Bringing his name into the argument does us a favour. It reminds us of the sorts of people who may well finish up as our President if we lose our marbles and scrap the monarchy.

We are a country increasingly hungry for news about the antics of celebrities rather than about the deeds and ideas that affect us as citizens. If it was put to the vote, accordingly, Her Majesty would be displaced by somebody like Jones, Paul Henry or Paul Holmes’ headline-hogging step-daughter.

President Jones doesn’t have the same ring, for Alf, as Queen Elizabeth.
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