Ratana take the t-shirts off the backs of their people – and all because of a political joke

February 24, 2015

Those of you who bothered taking much notice (if any) of the politicians who flocked to the Ratana Church birthday bash a week or so ago probably missed it.

Alf most certainly can’t remember the media drawing attention to it, and they always pounce like vultures when they see this sort of thing.

The chance they missed -we now find – was a prime ministerial blue.

Yep. The Boss blundered.

Personally, Alf reckons he blundered simply by turning up there to pay homage to a bloke who claimed a century or so ago to have seen a vision.

Moreover he regarded this vision as divinely inspired,and he likened himself to Christ.

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A fuss about fund-raising, refunds and face-slapping – oh, and John Key come into the frame, too

February 22, 2015

Alf was drawn to a Sunday newspaper beatup today about a National MP receiving $25,000 from a controversial businessman after The Boss had a private dinner with him at the man’s home.

The donation will be be confirmed – readers are told – when electoral returns are published next week.

Before going beyond the first paragraph the long-serving Member for Eketahuna North was braced for phone calls from constituents demanding to know if he was the MP in question, and who in the neighbourhood was dishing out $25,000 donations.

But it quickly became clear no such calls were likely.

The donation in question harks back to the fuss about a Chinese gentleman by name of Donghua Liu.

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Pretty legal? If Steven Joyce was wrong, things could turn ugly in Eminem copyright case?

February 11, 2015

Alf has every confidence in the outcome of the Eminem legal action against the National Party, which apparently will have its first day in court next week when lawyers for both sides meet to discuss process.

His constituents are well aware of the background, because it was a topic for discussion down at the Eketahuna Club just before the election.

That’s when some outfit based in Detroit, Eminem Publishers, announced it was suing National for alleged copyright infringement.

The company was arguing our original rowing-themed advertisement had a riff similar to that of Lose Yourself, the theme song for 8 Mile in which Eminem played a struggling rapper.

At that time the National Party responded by saying it believed it had correctly licensed the song from bodies which were established to represent the rights of artists in this part of the world.

But this Eminem mob are a persistent bunch, as we learned here at Stuff today:

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Golfers shouldn’t be handicapped – or barred from the trough – just because they fail a poverty test

December 24, 2014
It's just a case of making the right pitch to have the millions spent here...

It’s just a case of making the right pitch to have the millions spent here…

Alf’s good mate Steven Joyce is a beneficent bugger – a sort of Father Christmas for the well-off.

He distributes his largesse not on the basis of whether the beneficiary has been good or naughty over the past year, but whether he, she or it mixes in the right circles.

These are circles of people plush with money and an urge to donate to the National Party, usually to ensure against the election of a leftie or greenie government.

Steven accordingly would not have needed too much persuading when asked to consider whether taxpayers should bankroll the New Zealand Open golf tournament.

Too damned right they should.

Some niggly tossers ask: but will there be a positive return?

It doesn’t matter. We don’t get a positive return, so far as Alf can see, from the money biffed at domestic purpose beneficiaries and other people down on their uppers.

Why should golf be different?
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If you go with Gower, you are backing Bennett and bypassing the blokes who hanker to be next leader

August 24, 2014
"When I say this big, I'm not talking about poll support."

“When I say this big, I’m not talking about her poll support.”

Patrick Gower admits he is a plonker who got it wrong last time. And Alf reckons he has got it wrong this time.

Last time he predicted Crusher was a likely National leader to succeed The Boss.

This time he is putting his money on Paula Bennett.

Alf trusts he is not putting too much money on Paula.

This by no means is meant to reflect unkindly on our splendid Minister for Social Development. When it comes to the crunch – or the crush – pretty well anybody in the National team would make a better prime minister than anyone the lefties or greenies could throw into the ring.

But it does seem Gower has a thing about Rubenesque sheilas with a bit of beef and solid thighs.

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The Cabinet Club here in Eketahuna North is focused more on tippling than peddling influence

May 9, 2014

Good old Tau has summed things up pretty nicely when he says Opposition attacks on National Party fundraisers, where individuals can pay for access to ministers, is Labour Party envy.

Alf is bound to say he was deeply disappointed by Labour and NZ First attacks on the Government yesterday and their claims to have proof that The Boss was involved in talks to ease citizenship restrictions for wealthy foreign investors.

As Stuff explains here, those allegations came out of reports on National Party events run throughout the country, called Cabinet Clubs.

Labour can’t have Cabinet Clubs because they are in opposition. They are bound to stay there, too.

They could try running Shadow Cabinet Clubs, of course, although Alf can’t imagine why anyone would talk to the shadowy buggers who would be the best they could provide by way of star turns.

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Let’s hear it for Damien: the National Party coffers have done nicely from his giving officials the fingers

May 3, 2014

It’s not often Alf feels the urge to acclaim the decisions of Labour politicians.

He is happy to make an exception in the case of one decision made by West Coast-Tasman MP Damien O’Connor, the Immigration Minister who over-rode the advice of his officials to allow Chinese businessman Donghua Liu into New Zealand.

Firstly, Liu’s subsequent brush with the law triggered events that led to Maurice Williamson’s forced resignation in recent days after it emerged he called high-level police officers about an investigation into Liu.

This is bad news for Maurice, who happens to be one of Alf’s mates.

But – ahem, let’s confess to a bit of self-interest here – his resignation has created a ministerial vacancy.

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