Sorry folks, but this is an occasion when we Nats have gone out to discourage slavery

April 17, 2014

Alf is inclined to resurrect Don Brash’s Orewa speech – the one that occasioned lots of angry people to call him racist when he railed against race-based privilege and championed the principle of one law for all.

The speech and the principle he invoked seemed applicable to a bit of brouhaha over the law governing the use of foreign fishing boats and the way their crews are treated.

Some Maori reckon their fishing operations should be exempt from this law, which means they would like to be able to maintain practices described as slavery at sea.

But there are some other Maori – those in trade unions, for example – who seem to think that permitting slavery is a bad idea.

This creates a dilemma for your long-serving member who is acutely sensitive when it comes to issues which affect our indigenous people. Which lot of Maori should he listen to?

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Islamic grave vandals scare Libyan cops – so a Kiwi team should go and dish out some rough justice

March 19, 2012

A good dose of utu is called for.

Ngapuhi leader David Rankin would do us a favour by helping to round up a small army to deal with the Islamic militants who desecrated Kiwi veterans’ graves in Libya.

The idea is to track down the buggers and give ’em a bloody good thrashing.

Utu, if you prefer.

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Complaint from a sore Tau – he wants more time for consultations on Northland mineral exploration

March 9, 2012

Betcha there's lots more metal under the Ninety Mile Beach, but it's off limits to mineral explorers.

Alf is by no means surprised to hear the latest grouching from Sonny Tau.

The Ngapuhi leader is insisting the Ministry of Economic Development needs to adequately consult Maori before it seeks bids from companies wanting to explore for minerals in Northland.

The ministry is consulting, of course, after announcing that, from May this year, New Zealand Petroleum and Minerals intends inviting companies to take part in a competitive tender process for mineral exploration permits.

But is the consultation period sufficient?

It’s ample, actually.

But it’s not long enough for Tau.

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A blow for free speech: Wi Popata has used the N word without Joris (so far) disapproving

February 6, 2012

Good news, old boy - Wi Popata says you don't have to be given a new name.

Dunno if this means Alf can put the N word back into his vocabulary.

Probably not.

But it’s heartening to learn that no arrests have been made – so far as Alf can ascertain at time of writing – in connection with the N word being bellowed at Maori politicians at Waitangi.

And Joris de Bres, our Race Relations Commissioner, has not denounced the use of the word during yet another boorish demonstration of hate and belligerence against The Boss and other political leaders.

Sure enough, the name Popata comes into the story.

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Titewhai, protocols and rancidity – why Hone’s mum may be banned from a marae

May 17, 2011

You don't notice it so much out here in the open air.

Dunno what the word sounds like in Te Reo.

But it’s a fair mouthful in English.

It’s “rancidification” – a process with a somewhat unsavoury pong about it.

And it’s been applied to describe the behaviour of Hone Harawira’s very stroppy mum, the formidable Titewhai.

In essence, as the Herald reports today, Titewhai faces a possible ban from Te Tii Marae after being accused of “rancidification of Maori protocols” at a recent Maori Party hui.

Alf fancies himself as a great wordsmith (although Ele from Homepaddock gives Mrs Grumble a higher rating).

But he has never dropped “rancidification” into a speech or any of the articles he has submitted to the Bush Telegraph.

Alf’s constituents are all above average in the IQ department and will not need to check out what it means. Many of them, moreover, are familiar with the dairy industry, where product is apt to go rancid.

But for readers beyond the boundaries of Eketahuna North, maybe these definitions will help.

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Advice to the Popatas: when you’ve done with protesting, limber up for the Olympics

March 22, 2011

You will be left behind if you can't maintain a brisk pace.

Alf has cause to take a fresh look at the Popata brothers, a stroppy twosome best known for roughing up the Prime Minister at Waitangi a year or so ago.

They are wasted in their occupations as a researcher and an interviewer.

Their forte – it transpires – is walking.

They are shaping up to be world-beaters.

Their strongest competition for an Olympic gold medal would come from those who have joined them on their hikoi from Cape Reinga to on Wellington.

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A blind eye is turned to Waitangi Day koha – so can other businesses charge discriminatory fees?

February 3, 2011

Horatio Nelson...he would have spotted the discrimination even if he looked with his blind eye.

Alf was driven yesterday to question what is so big deal about the Maori way of sorting out Hone Harawira’s differences with the rest of his Maori Party caucus.

Today he is looking into The Maori Way of plundering the Pakeha news media.

At first glimpse it seems calculated to land the buggers in big trouble with the Race Relations police.

Plans are afoot to impose a $1000 fee on the general media to go on to a marae on Waitangi Day, but no fee will be imposed on Maori media.

Hello.

Does anyone get the faintest whiff of discrimination here?

Alf imagines opening up a business – let’s say – as a barber.

He will offer free haircuts to the general population.

But if you are a Maori he will whop you with a $50 charge for his services.

No, he won’t go broke, because long before his capital has evaporated we can count on a warning shot being fired across his bows by Joris de Bres, and if the warning is ignored, he will be prosecuted.

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Nothing here to make up for those bloody fuel taxes

March 18, 2009

Alf has been eagerly awaiting news from the Beehive to help mollify his Eketahuna North constituents, who remain riled about being stung with higher fuel taxes to make life easier for Aucklanders on the transport front.

No salve was dispensed today.

That’s not to say the Beehive has buggered off to the West Coast for a get-together, as Labour MPs did – to a region that should have been as scarlet red as The People’s Flag, but which fell to the Nats at the last election.

National’s Ministers are beavering away and earning their keep.
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