A remarkable skill: Peter Dunne doesn’t have to read a book to measure its muck content

September 2, 2014

2008-03-15-book_burning

Gotta say there’s nothing quite as satisfying as pitching an election message to a bunch of well-heeled old farts.

They will even give a big cheer to the likes of Peter Dunne if he says the right thing.

Peter struck the right note in his home patch of Ohariu when he was questioned about Nicky Hager’s Dirty Politics and about the ethics and integrity of politics.

According to this report at Stuff,

…the UnitedFuture leader said he would not read it and labelled it “muckraking”.

It was a sentiment that drew the biggest cheer from the 150-strong crowd at Johnsonville’s Malvina Major Retirement Village yesterday, the large majority of whom were residents.

That’s the right way – and the right-wing way, hurrah – to deal with trash dressed up as a literary revellation.

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Crusher has been thrown (or thrown herself) to the wolves – but the wolves should beware

August 31, 2014
Kevin Sknner gave us a lesson in the useful application of a a bit of biffo.

Kevin Skinner gave us a lesson in the useful application of a bit of biffo.

Alf and his true-blue mates were dismayed by news of Crusher’s resignation as a Minister.

Fair to say, Alf’s dismay was tempered by the realisation – “hope” might be a better word – that this may well mean The Boss promotes him to the ministerial job that has been his ambition for some time.

But for now, those ambitions are being kept very private and for public purposes – well, the Member for Eketahuna North is declaring that he is devastated.

He is also highly disapproving of Labour’s leaping in to exploit Crusher’s plight.

Of course, that’s what one would expect from a bunch of lefties and greenies whose political aspirations far exceed their collective talents.

Hence they are apt to be desperate.

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If you go with Gower, you are backing Bennett and bypassing the blokes who hanker to be next leader

August 24, 2014
"When I say this big, I'm not talking about poll support."

“When I say this big, I’m not talking about her poll support.”

Patrick Gower admits he is a plonker who got it wrong last time. And Alf reckons he has got it wrong this time.

Last time he predicted Crusher was a likely National leader to succeed The Boss.

This time he is putting his money on Paula Bennett.

Alf trusts he is not putting too much money on Paula.

This by no means is meant to reflect unkindly on our splendid Minister for Social Development. When it comes to the crunch – or the crush – pretty well anybody in the National team would make a better prime minister than anyone the lefties or greenies could throw into the ring.

But it does seem Gower has a thing about Rubenesque sheilas with a bit of beef and solid thighs.

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Crusher can’t keep herself out of the limelight these days – now the issue is lane names

August 20, 2014

Alf means no offence to the late Sir Robert Chambers.

And I never imagined naming a lane would land me in the stew.  finish up in

And I never imagined naming a lane would land me in another stew.

But if Crusher Collins is going to set about naming lanes after her friends – well, what’s wrong with Grumble Lane?

Or Slater Lane?

No, wait.

Cameron has been a tad disparaging of the good people of Christchurch, according to this report (which likely is a load of bollocks):

South Islanders are useless and East Christchurch earthquake victims scum, controversial blogger Cameron Slater allegedly says in emails disclosed by Dirty Politics author Nicky Hager.

Writing to his friend Peter Smith (not his real name) after the February earthquake, Slater says: “The place is f****d, they should should just board it up and close it down.”

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Oops – maybe there has been an awful misunderstanding about cultivating Cam’s friendship

August 19, 2014
Keep an eye out for an account of saucy goings-on here at Labour Party HQ in Eketahuna North.

Keep an eye out for an account of saucy goings-on here at Labour Party HQ in Eketahuna North.

Gotta admit to feeling somewhat uneasy about leaking further bits of this and that to Whaleoil.

Until now Alf had understood he was doing the party a big favour by passing on anything that might show up pinkies, greenies and their ilk in a bad light.

What’s more the encouragement of Jason Ede had given Alf the strong impression this sort of thing was good for scoring personal brownie points – and enhancing one’s political ambitions – up there on the Ninth Floor of The Beehive.

Ede should need no introducing. His name has been peppered into umpteen news reports in recent days (whereas Alf, dammit, hasn’t been mentioned once).

But maybe his encouragement was misunderstood.

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To avoid hacking Alf flies his sensitive stuff to Cam (although pigeons can be shot down and eaten)

August 18, 2014
Alf slips away from his office (with head protection against leftie mud-slinging) to send a message to Cam.

Alf slips away from his office (with head protection against leftie mud-slinging) to send a message to Cam.

Sad to say, Alf has not been burgled in the past six years and -so far as he is aware – his laptop has not been accessed.

Hence he can not add his experience to the list of dirty tricks that has been lengthening day by day over the past week.

Among the victims – according to this newspaper report – has been Crusher’s hubby.

Judith Collins’ husband David Wong-Tung’s office was burgled and his laptop accessed, in what the Justice Minister says was “a series of interesting little break ins”, including the burglary of her caucus colleague Mark Mitchell’s offices.

This afternoon, following reports of break ins at Mr Mitchell’s Parliamentary and electorate offices almost a year ago, Ms Collins told the Herald her husband’s office had been burgled six weeks ago.

Mr Wong-Tung is a director of Oravida , the company belonging to National Party donor Deyi Shi whose meetings with Ms Collins late last year in China – when she was there on a taxpayer funded ministerial trip – sparked a conflict of interest furore.

“He came into work and noticed that the lock on his lockable cabinet had been smashed.”

So what were the burglars up to?

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Falkenstein is fair fuming – but if a Whale flattened an offensive against fizz, so what?

August 15, 2014

soft-drinks

A bloke can stick up a water tank and collect the stuff when it falls on the roof. For free.

Alf refers, of course, to water.

It’s something he prefers to avoid, although he does consume his share of it in his tea and coffee. And some of his mates put a drop of it into their whisky.

If you don’t get it straight from the skies and into a water tank, which is true for most people nowadays, you can turn a tap and it will flow into a jug, your kitchen sink or the bath.

This being so it has seemed odd to Alf that anyone would want to buy their water in a plastic bottle from the supermarket, then have to hump it home.

But it takes all sorts, eh?

And when there are customers bursting to buy their water in plastic bottles at a supermarket, there will will be someone willing to supply it.

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