A fry-up for breakfast is the way to avoid getting fat (and the eggs don’t have to be free-range)

The way to better health.

Alf tucked in to a typical Grumble household breakfast this morning fortified by the knowledge he was doing the right thing, nutritionally.

He would have stuck to his usual breakfast – perhaps with a 300gm portion of black pudding thrown in and lots of chips –  even if the research showed it was bad for him, nutritionally.

But it’s pleasing to know he doesn’t have to make a case for defying the experts.

The good news for him and all fans of a fry-up was communicated by the Daily Mail.

No, we mustn’t blame parents for fattening their brats – Prof Swinburn says it’s the Govt’s fault

So we have spawned a nation of fat brats and – guess what? – it’s the Government’s fault.

Yep. the country’s sprogs have been getting steadily fatter, according to new Ministry of Health figures. They show 85,000 Kiwi kids are now obese.

The full report can be read here.

Alf won’t be bothering. He is content with the information he gleaned from TVNZ in their report here.

More housework and less telly viewing is what the modern missus needs to keep in better trim

More time with the vacuum cleaner might be called for…

Dunno how to put this to Mrs Grumble, but …

Well, the truth of it is women are piling on the kilos because they have cut down on housework.

According to some American research which is the subject of a Daily Mail report (here) –

* Women now burn up to 360 calories less a day than their parents

* Housewives in 1965 spent 27 hours a week cooking, cleaning and washing

* Women now spend only 13.3 hours a week on housework.

The newspaper will be putting the frighteners into its chubby female readers by saying:

Fatties should go for the soaps (the slimming ones) rather than the news, when watching TV

The good news for Parekura Horomia and Gerry Brownlee is that Alf has sent each of them a few bars of the product advertised here.

Mrs Grumble happened to be cleaning out the attic and – would you believe? – found the soap.

She suggested Alf put them to the test, but he happened to think he knew of someone who could make much better use of these bars than he could.

Mrs G. agreed and the soap was delivered this afternoon, before the House sat for the first time this year.

But there’s bad news (here) for Parekura and Gerry, too.

They should give up watching the news on telly.

And if Parekura or Gerry need emergency treatment at Dr Gray’s Hospital? Fat chance…

Dunno if Labour’s Parekura Horomia or Alf’s chubby chum Gerry are bound for Britain any time soon.

Perhaps not.

But they are bound to get there some time, and if so they should make damned sure they are in good nick, when it comes to their health.

And they should stay south of Hadrian’s wall.

The reason: overweight patients have caused health and safety problems in Scotland. Or in a bit of Scotland.

Accordingly these fatties are being denied beds.

Yep. That’s right.

If you are too tubby, you don’t get a bed.

So now we know why Parekura and Gerry are so jolly – it’s something to do with their genes

But on some days it’s hard to be jolly.

Dunno if David Cunliffe is feeling somewhat down, today.

But notwithstanding whatever went on at his caucus meeting yesterday, he is more likely to get depressed than – let’s say – Parekura Horomia.

Or Alf’s good mate, Gerry Brownlee.

This can be asserted with great confidence because – as you will learn here – fat people are apt to be happier than their skinny colleagues.

Father Christmas, of course, serves as a splendid example.

And here’s why…

Gerry and Parekura can relax – their bulk doesn’t necessarily increase their health risks

“Check out my metabolism before weaning me off the Big Macs…”

Gotta find Gerry and Parekura and tell them the good news.

Well, encouraging news.

A bunch of researchers are saying nearly half of fat people are just as healthy as slim people – and no more at risk of developing heart problems or cancer.

They also reckon overweight and obese people should not fight the flab after having a heart attack because they are more likely to outlive their leaner counterparts.

Fair to say, though, that Gerry and Parekura would need to find if they have a certain metabolism.

The findings (as reported here) show there is a subset of obese people who are metabolically healthy.

Getting rid of 2.5 inches (from around the waist) could be magical for a bloke’s sexual prowess

Dunno if Gerry is losing his grip.

It took him a helluva long time to answer a question from Greenie Eugenie Sage yesterday – as you can see here.

It could be he is not so light on his political feet nowadays, because – well, to be frank, he is a bit portly.

And being a bit portly can create problems, such as hampering a feller’s performance in the sack, for example, even if he is a Minister of the Crown.

But let’s start by seeing how he tried to duck and weave in handling the Green’s question, then was gazzumped by Mr Speaker.

If you have to fly with Gerry or Parekura, make sure you keep your distance for safety reasons

Oops – it looks like Gerry his shifted further to the right.

Dunno if your airline booking people would oblige if you asked for a seat far removed from fatties, like Parekura Horomia or Gerry Brownlee.

But you can be damned sure Alf will be asking for such a seat henceforth, all in the interests of safety. His safety.

Of course, this might mean (probably will mean) having to ask them to seat Alf some distance away from Mrs Grumble, when they travel together because she is on the plump side too.

Explaining to her why far-separated seats have been arranged will require great tact. Maintaining a warm and loving marriage relationship is important, but she is sure to understand if the reasoning is put to her carefully.

Alf’s urge to distance himself from fatties on airliners has been triggered by a warning from scientists that obese travellers would ‘blast through’ airplane seat belts in a crash.

How to trim $20m from the Waikato DHB budget – find the fatties first and fire them

The savings will be bigger if the tubbies go first.

Alf is reluctant to trespass on to the electorate domains of his National Party mates, David Bennett and Tim Macindoe.

But he can’t resist throwing some advice on the matter of the Waikato District Health Board’s efforts to deal with a financial shortfall for the coming financial year of about $20 million.

As that pointer shows, Alf picked up the news from Radio NZ –

Chief executive Craig Climo has told employees the board will have to find savings of $20 million for the year beginning in July this year and a further $5 million in each of the two following years.

And if savings can not be found in other areas, staff reductions are among the cost-cutting options.