The Botany by-election breeds bullshit and bollocks as the press breaks down the numbers

March 7, 2011

Is this the smile of a loser?

Check out the headline below, if you want to find a splendid example of the Dom-Post’s prowesss at spreading bullshit.

It brays –

Low voter turnout keeps Botany blue

The clear implication is that a high voter turnout would have given Botany to Labour.

So what load of bollocks did political scribbler Vernon Wright write in his report to put that idea in the headline writer’s head?

Bollocks of a different sort.

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Jami-Lee wins Botany (as expected) but it’s a pity he isn’t called Keith, John or Bill

March 6, 2011

Alf looks forward to Jami-Lee Ross joining him on the back benches in the House after he won the Botany byelection for National (an outcome never in doubt) yesterday.

The Herald on Sunday tells us Ross polled 8150 votes or 56.7 per cent of the turnout.

But the turnout was a disappointingly low 36.5 per cent. Alf imagines that’s a consequence of Botany being an Auckland seat, because Aucklanders are apt to be somewhat wanting when it comes to things like civic duty and getting off their arses to uphold a strong democracy.

Have the buggers marched in the streets to protest against the outrage of Maori being given special constitutional treatment in their city? Nah, they have not.

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The Vikings have gone soft but the smart ones know how to keep sheilas in their place

February 22, 2011

But the best of them do it better in the bedroom than the boardroom.

Alf has been reading a fascinating report about a mob of sheilas known among Norwegian cynics as the “golden skirts”.

They are an elite group of 70 women in the Scandinavian nation who occupy more than 300 seats on corporate boards.

An article in The Observer says it’s equality, of a sort, but an imperfect kind of diversity.

It has come about because of silly laws that have set a quota for women, in defiance of Alf’s firm belief that business is for blokes; a sheila’s place is at home cooking the meals, doing the dishes and the washing, and so on.

Alf admires a good woman with prowess in the bedroom.

But in the boardroom – nah.

The Vikings – once feared as practitioners of rape and pillage – have lost a lot of brownie points for going soft on this one.

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Berlusconi, belly dancers, bribes and la dolce vita – the fabulous world of Italian politics

December 16, 2010

The belly dancer who almost brought down a PM.

A couple of Italian sheilas – Catia Polidori and Maria Grazia Siliquini – are getting something of a hard time for being among three MPs who were expected to vote against Silvio Berlusconi, the rich rascal who runs the country iwhen he is not engaged in bouts of rumpy-pumpy.

According to The Telegraph, they “saved Berlusconi from humiliation over a crucial no confidence vote”.

Now their last-minute decision to side with the government has sparked accusations of bribery.

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Pansy comes up smelling (almost) like roses but there’s a whiff of something curious around Sammy

December 4, 2010

So did Sammy hook or slice to finish up in the rough?

Bugger. The report into former cabinet minister Pansy Wong’s use of her travel perks is bad news for Alf’s ministerial ambitions.

It has raised Pansy’s hopes of returning to Cabinet, and hence has generated a bit more competition for ministerial jobs.

“While it is my hope to return to Cabinet, I understand that it has to be earned, and my energy and focus now will be used to serve the people of Botany and promoting the interests of ethnic communities across our country. I am looking forward to returning to Parliament.”

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It’s tempting to blame Pansy for our perks being busted, but they have been under pressure for a while

November 18, 2010

The perk got the Grumbles to Disneyland - guess which one is Alf.

Mrs Grumble is a bit upset this morning.

She fears that our overseas holiday plans have been done a mischief by the decision to strip MPs of their international travel perk.

It will be replaced by a new scheme designed to stop taxpayer-funded jaunts, according to the report at Stuff.

Speaker Lockwood Smith announced the change late last night after meeting MPs on the Parliamentary Service Commission.

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Pansy’s plight lifts Eketahuna North MP’s promotion prospects – but the press are plumping for Parata

November 14, 2010

Media hacks put a bob each way on a by-election.


We learn today that “disgraced MP” Pansy Wong is said to be “gutted and humiliated” at being forced out of cabinet for abusing her travel perk.

Alf will be gutted and humiliated, too, if he doesn’t emerge from poor Pansy’s downfall with a ministerial post.

His constituents are expecting it.

Missing out would be bad news for the Grumble household, as Mrs Grumble will tell you, because Alf is apt to sulk and be seriously moody for several days after a major setback, although he prefers to keep this personality weakness under wraps.

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Don’t pull the plug on this Maori trough – let’s see if it can be adapted for Scandinavian export growth

June 29, 2010

Alf has jacked up a meeting with Pansy Wong, our Minister of Ethnic Affairs, despite his serious reservations about the need for such a portfolio.

An impulse to win a few electoral brownie points in the Tararua region has taken precedence over principle in the matter he wishes to raise with her.

He reckons the Government should put aside a bucket of money for Scandinavians (who were among the first non-Maori to move into his neck of the woods, giving rise to the naming of towns like Dannevirke and Norsewood). The objective would be to help the Scandinavians to export stuff.

Don’t ask what sort of stuff, because it seems to Alf it doesn’t matter a fat rat if it turns out they export nothing. The point essentially is to properly appropriate the money and have it targeted to help any exporter who can claim to be a Scandinavian exporter.

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So why weren’t you outraged?

May 8, 2009

Dunno where the PR people got to, but they weren’t shrieking loudly enough to alert Alf to whatever was happening in Rape Awareness Week.

Actually it’s been Bee Week, too. And Asthma Week and Sign Language Week.

Alf can extend a couple of digits on one of his hands into a V shape to show – in his own sign language – what he think of it all.

But he found out what week it was – or has been – only when Pansy Wong put out a media statement.
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Keeping abreast of those special days

March 7, 2009

Alf is grateful to Women’s Affairs Minister Pansy Wong for triggering the online research that steered him to this publicly displayed poster and to news of a triumph for the women of Belgium.

According to Digital Journal the breasts belong to Dutch Playmate 2007 Meike Schulte.

They advertise a pollster’s website analysing voters’ sentiment ahead of the June 7 parliamentary elections in Belgium.
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