Is your todger a whopper or a tiddler? Dr Debby can tell you how your willy measures up

What, exactly, will Dr Debby be doing with her data, now she has established the average size of a feller’s todger?

Maybe she will take the information home to see how her husband, boyfriend or whoever he might be measures up.

Another thing: in the name of research, did Dr Debby get to slap a measuring rod along each dick embraced by her study?

Alf’s curiosity about these matters was aroused – so to speak – when he learned (here) that the latest research into the average penis size held few new surprises.

Dammit, we blokes with wee willies were wheedled when our womenfolk said ‘don’t worry’

The news is upsetting, for those of us who are anatomically challenged in the genital department.

Mrs Grumble had always humoured Alf, assuring him what he lacked in length he made up for in prowess, although that was some while ago.

It seems she might have been faking it.

A big willy is a much bigger deal to your average woman than Mrs Grumble ever led him to believe.