Our cops deserve something fit for a SWOT team … but must settle for something more rustic

February 19, 2015
Our cops are getting this.

They will go crime-fighting with this…

No, not this...

…rather than this.

Alf was seriously excited  – for a while at least – by a report from Littlefield, Arkansas.

It said the Littlefield Police Department had acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a US Department of Defense programme that distributed surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the USA.

The device, which is ten times more powerful than the bomb detonated over Hiroshima in World War II, will be used to deter crime in Littlefield and the greater Jasper County area, Police Chief Jefferson Bailey said.

“There will be no more crime in Littlefield,” Bailey said, “Because if there is, I’ll blow this town sky-high.”

Many of Littlefield’s 15,000 residents, according to the report, had  expressed concern over its police department’s acquisition of the nuclear weapon and the guidelines governing its potential use.

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A great idea for breaking the gangs – but finding the right location is the key

March 2, 2012

On the positive side, there's no Mongrel Mob or Black Power here...

... but (on the negative side) it's too easy to find a shag.

Alf had been inclined to think somewhat unkindly about Kim Workman, director of an outfit called Rethinking Crime and Punishment.

Too often Workman seemed too be promoting namby-pamby ideas about dealing with the criminal classes.

But maybe Alf misjudged him, because Workman has released a media statement headed –

Proposal To Relocate Gang Members Away From Communities

Great. Alf has a similar proposal.

Maybe we could work together.

Mind you, when you read Workman’s statement you will find he is focused on relocating gang members away from gangs, when they are let out of jail (which happens much too soon for most of the buggers).

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The Embassy Winston set up may be closed – so who will sound a warning against ticks?

January 10, 2012

We should not be surprised hear Winston Peters bleating about the planned Foreign Affairs job losses and the closure of overseas posts.

He’s strong on spending public money but Alf can’t recall him being too strong on finding ways of making savings.

The job cuts at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade were portended in a State Services Commission report last year. The ministry was looking at slashing 200 jobs out of almost 1000, it said.

The newspapers today are saying an announcement on the details is expected soon.

That’s given Peters a platform for prattling about the implications, although Peters has a knack for turning anything into a platform for prattling.
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If Michael Cullen didn’t say it, then it’s time someone did – we won, they lost (etc)

November 27, 2011

Take your pick, Phil

Look at the official scorecard.

True, they are preliminary results for the 2011 General Election and Referendum on the Voting System.

The Electoral Commission aims to have the official results published on its site by 2pm on Saturday 10 December.

But the preliminary results are pretty convincing.

What do they tell us?

Hah – we won, they lost, eat that!

But hasn’t that been said before?

A lot of people think so.

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Lefties and greenies should look beyond asset sales to find the defining election issue

November 25, 2011

What happened to these privatised state assets? Oh, yes, they finished up in public ownership again.

Buckets of bollocks have been uttered about sales of state assets during the election campaign.

Labour’s Phil Goff – for example – has been banging on about them being gone for ever, once they have been sold.

So how come taxpayers are still pouring money into our state-owned rail company?

Alf was among the enthusiastic supporters of the Bolger government’s privatising New Zealand Rail Ltd back in 1993.

The bloody outfit went through a few name and ownership changes – Tranz Rail, Toll NZ – and continued to bleed money.

In May 2008 the Clark Government agreed to buy Toll NZ Ltd (less its trucking and distribution operations) for $665 million.

It has not been a nice little earner for taxpayers since then.

But it has shown that once an asset has been sold, it it is not necessarily gone for ever.

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The Worm turned for Phil Goff, maybe, but who wants help from a spineless parasite?

November 22, 2011

Alf was out on the hustings last night, hoping to convert any lefties or greenies in his audience to vote for him on Saturday and so (all going well) give him 100 per cent of the vote in Eketahuna North. Hence he was much too busy to pay any attention to the leaders’ debate on TV3.

He was surprised, therefore, to read this morning that Labour leader Phil Goff has had a boost in the final days of the campaign after being judged the winner by TV3’s “worm”.

As Stuff reports, the debate between Goff and The Boss came as National tries to point out the parlous future that lies in store if NZ First holds the balance of power.

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Way to go, Phil – towards the political exit but with dignity (as much as he can muster, anyway)

November 11, 2011

Alf was entertained by the headline today that says

Goff supports dying with dignity

This could only mean he knows he is dying politically, but he intends to muster whatever dignity he can to go out with.

Couldn’t it?

Not exactly.

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Labour’s further slide is worth cheering, but it’s galling to learn we should brace for more Greenie MPs

November 9, 2011
It’s the best they can afford…Labour Party headquarters in Eketahuna North.

Things were awfully silent at Labour Party headquarters in Eketahuna North, when Alf strolled by last night.

Fair to say, they have little to get excited about these days, although maybe an animated argument about Phil Goff’s leadership was in order.

But the silence last night suggested local electorate membership had been reduced to about one sad-sack, and this one sad-sack was unable to sustain a conversation with his or her self.

Then again, maybe someone had tipped them off about the latest polling news carried at Stuff –

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Two more years of hard labour – Goff plan will encourage leftie MPs to hang on for longer

October 28, 2011

Alf can see an awful down side to Labour’s plan to raise the retirement age.

His concerns are additional to National’s position, that Labour’s retirement plan is a response to unaffordable promises, including across-the-board tax cuts, exempting fresh fruit and veges from GST, and resuming contributions to the Cullen superannuation fund which it says will leave a $16 billion hole in the books.

Labour leader Phil Goff is reported to be hoping he can outflank National on debt and the national savings debate.

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Labour continues its mad dash for the cliff face and it’s too late (oh dear) to change leader

August 31, 2011

Phil Goff delighted Alf yesterday when he insisted he will lead the Labour Party into the election and anyone suggesting otherwise is flogging a dead horse.

But where is he taking them?

Readers who are unsure of the answer will get a hint – a strong hint – if they study the cartoon above.

And it seems Labour’s fate is sealed, no matter what it does.

If they change leader, they are electorally dommed anyway.

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