It said the Littlefield Police Department had acquired a 200 kiloton nuclear warhead under a US Department of Defense programme that distributed surplus weapons to local agencies throughout the USA.
The device, which is ten times more powerful than the bomb detonated over Hiroshima in World War II, will be used to deter crime in Littlefield and the greater Jasper County area, Police Chief Jefferson Bailey said.
“There will be no more crime in Littlefield,” Bailey said, “Because if there is, I’ll blow this town sky-high.”
Many of Littlefield’s 15,000 residents, according to the report, had expressed concern over its police department’s acquisition of the nuclear weapon and the guidelines governing its potential use.
And if we can’t find a stretch of clean water – too bad.
Alf has been hugely heartened by the opportunity which opened today for him to replace Mike Sabin as chairman of the select committee that deals with law and order matters. It’s a great chance to promote a harder stance on crime and criminals.
Sabin, of course, has been at the centre of reports he is being investigated by police over an alleged assault.
Alf would have thought an alleged assault is easily investigated. He is bothered at having to suppose that, if there has been such an investigation, the matter of who did what to whom has taken a helluva long time to sort out.
Trouble is, Mike became awfully circumspect about the the matter and The Boss’s silence hasn’t helped stem the flow of conjecture and rumour.
Alf observes with some fascination the goings-on about boozing hours in Wellington.
The rejection of Wellington City Council plans for bar hours has implications for councils in other parts of the country. Hence it may affect the Tararua District Council’s thinking on what is allowable in its patch, and this in turn would affect Alf’s lifestyle.
This means that councils across the county (according to Radio NZ) may struggle to enforce any policies allowing bars to stay open beyond 4am.
Alf can advise his constituents (who are well aware of his habits, anyway) that his lifestyle certainly would not be affected by any requirement for pubs to shut by 4am, because at that hour he has long ago gone home to snuggle down with Mrs Grumble or (sometimes) be put to bed in the spare room.
“I suppose it will be like this all the time if I lose my driving licence.”
Some ungracious bastards will think it’s a shame Hone Harawira has survived unscathed after losing control of his car south of the Mangamuka Gorge.
Alf does not share this uncharitable view because he has been deeply steeped in the teachings of The Bible and has been conditioned by his religious upbringing to love his fellow man, although he might yield to temptation on occasion and say unkind things about lefties and greenies who don’t have to do too much to provoke him.
Alf further recognises that Hone is an indigenous person and therefore is entitled to special treatment, which should include special treatment from law-enforcement officers.
It seems he has been given special treatment, but not the sort that makes him happy.
Or rather, Hone reckons enforcement officers’ response rates differ, depending on whether he is a complainant or the driver of a crashed car.
Alf for years has been uneasy about the increasing recruitment of women into the police, no matter how butch or beefy they might be. When push comes to shove, or arrest turns to fisticuffs, you need a bloke, and the bigger the better.
Mrs Grumble takes issue with him on this matter, accusing him of being sexist and saying she would liked to have been a cop but…
But Alf feels his opinion has been well and truly validated by the case of a lady plod in Britain who failed to lift her feet while plodding – not high enough to get above a bit of kerbing, anyway – and she tripped.