See who’s on the bottom rung of the National MPs’ pecking order – yep, its Maurice and Crusher

“If we formed another party and became co-leaders, we would each get a bigger share of this swill.”

Not for the first time, Alf is seriously pissed off with a Parliamentary Press Gallery hack who has seen fit to draw attention to MPs’ pay packets and perks.

It was not done directly by naming Alf.

It was done, nevertheless, by drawing attention to the salaries and perks of some fellow back-benchers. The good citizens of Eketahuna North are a bright bunch, quite capable of working out – roughly – the going rate for their local member.

Next bloody thing you know  they will be asking him to do the shouting, either in the pub or at the Eketahuna Club, because obviously he is paid much too much and can afford it .

Let’s ask those bloody reporters who pays when they get into trouble with the libel laws

Alf has a simple question for the political hacks now engaged in a feeding frenzy over MPs’ legal bills.

If they write something defamatory and are sued, who picks up the tab for the legal bills and damages?

If they reply that they personally won’t pay – their company will carry those costs – then they will have gone a long way to explaining why MPs don’t meet the costs of their own transgressions when they say something as MPs that incurs a defamation suit.

Perks and piss-ups – the trick is to find an acceptable way of making the public pay

Another bucket of bollocks is published in the Dom-Post today, this time on the matter of MPs’ miserable spending allowances.

Vernon Small, one of the rag’s parliamentary press gallery hacks, makes it seem like he has been talking with a whistle-blower:

MPs are secretly negotiating to award themselves more generous perks.

If they were secret – you can be sure – a bugger like Small would not get to hear of them.

But there is no whistle-blower. Rather –

The behind-closed-doors talks were revealed by Auditor-General Lyn Provost in a report that found former housing and fisheries minister Phil Heatley unlawfully spent $1402 of taxpayers’ money.

Nah, a stalwart Nat would not pervert the meaning of charity beginning at home – would he?

The Weekend Herald brought upsetting news to Alf this morning. It carries a report about the police charging a former Government minister with abusing his ex-MP perk of taxpayer-subsidised flights.

If this were an Opposition MP, of course, it would be great news. If it were a Green MP, even greater – a champagne opener.

But the allegations (and that’s what they are, folks, they are nothing more) have been laid against a former party colleague.

Not a bad bloke either, although he tumbled in Alf’s esteem when he took up the job of Children’s Commissioner.

Hone should not say sorry for being candid

Having heard a heap of stuff about Hone Harawira and his vituperative e-mail to Buddy Mikaere, Alf reckons it would be daft for the Maori Party hell-raiser to apologise to the nation for comments he made about white people.

According to the NZ Herald, he will have something to say today about the row in which he has embroiled himself thanks to his flair for (a) troughing and (b) spewing racist bile.

It will be the first time the Te Tai Tokerau MP has publicly spoken about an email, criticised as racist, that he sent to a party supporter who had asked him who paid for a trip the MP and his wife made to Paris.

No other Maori Party MPs are expected to be present at Waipapa Marae in Auckland. However, Mr Harawira may be supported by high-ranking party leaders.

But Alf sees no point in Hone apologising for saying what he thinks of pakeha if – as seems pretty obvious – that’s what he does think of them. Or for using bad language if he thinks it’s good language or effective language.

Contrition shows Rodney has more balls than Hone

Dunno who or which was the sorrier.

Rodney Hide, the self-proclaimed perk-buster who belatedly has realised the extent of the political capital he squandered on defending his travels with his paramour.

Or the spectacle of the aforementioned Rodney Hide expressing his apologies to the public of New Zealand.

Or Hone Harawira, for not saying sorry.

Or the Maori Party, for harbouring Hone.

In the Hide case, the pity is that Rodney’s hormones have been more powerful than his judgement (although Alf regards that awful yellow jacket as good reason for wondering if he ever had good judgement).

Hone thinks of quitting – hurrah (but can he give up the pay and the perks?)

Well, well, well. Hone Harawira is thinking of quitting as an MP.

Surely not! The bugger has been relishing the nourishment from the public trough for too long and Alf is putting his money on him staying to enjoy the perks for another three years.

More’s the pity.

But if he did quit, would it be because he recognises he has behaved disgracefully and should fall on his sword? Or his spear? Or whatever is sharp enough to pierce his outrageously thick hide?

Nah. The bugger is spitting the dummy because he has a problem governing in coalition with we Nats.

The Dom-Post tells us –

Firebrand Maori Party MP Hone Harawira – under attack for an explosive email – says he could quit at the next election over his party’s support for National.

Miffed missus reckons Rodney has a mess to clean up

Louise Crome probably has the great good sense to lie low and say nothing about her relationship with Rodney Hide.

This has left the gossip-hungry news media pouncing on all sorts of other people for their tittle-tattle about the unlikely libertine’s dalliance with a lass some 32 years younger.

Mrs Grumble is disappointed the news media have failed to tell us what Ms Crone finds attractive about a squat middle-aged MP with a Yul Brynner hairdo. Maybe she must wait for the Women’s Weekly or one of the other women’s magazines to tell all.

But the Herald on Sunday has tracked down Hide’s wife, whose thoughts on Rodney make for fascinating reading. The pity is she didn’t say a helluva lot more.

Dunno how much Mrs Hide is paying in taxes, but she would have cause to be pissed off about some of that money contributing to Ms Crone’s gallavanting around the world with Rodney.