Air NZ should have spurned the prissy prof’s preposterous proposition about suicidal poofs

December 13, 2010

"But if a few poofs do top themselves, they will be improving the species by removing themselves from it."

Ask anybody what adjective goes best with the word “professor,” – Alf recalls reading a few years back – and the answer will almost certainly be “absent-minded,” or possibly “nutty.”

Popular culture is full of addlebrained academics, whether they be villainous madmen like Professor Morbius in Forbidden Planet or Sherlock Holmes’s archenemy Professor Moriarty; crazy cranks like Professor Emmett Brown in Back to the Future, or well-meaning but harebrained eccentrics like Professor Brainard in The Absent-Minded Professor, Professor

The article appeared in the US Chronicle of Higher Education.

But nutty professors are to be found everywhere.

Some of the buggers in this part of the world are worse than nutters – they are seriously unhinged.

This must certainly apply to the professor who has pulled political correctness into the pits of the pathetic by complaining about a small scene in the Air New Zealand in-flight safety video.

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A transfusion of pink blood – no bloody way!

December 2, 2009

Let me tell Wellington’s poofters that Alf is one Kiwi who would not want a blood transfusion if it meant gay blood was pumped into his heterosexual system.

Discriminatory? Damned right. Alf is choosy about whose blood he is given, and he would fight to the death to preserve his right to be choosy.

He has always hoped that if he needs a blood transfusion, it will happen while he is in England and he will be offered blood from one of the royals. High-grade blue stuff.

Mind you, he would have serious reservations if it transpired the royal was a bit queer.

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On the way to the bank is the best time to cry

November 20, 2009

Alf isn’t a great one for movies, but not just because there is a dearth of cinemas in Eketahuna. Rather, it’s because there are better things to do and the best place to do these better things is down at the club.

Because he’s only an occasional movie-goer, he may be accused of being ill-fitted to comment on the fuss over The Vintner’s Luck. But bugger it. He will comment anyway.

On the strength of his newspaper reading, fair to say, he won’t bother going to the movie, even though it’s directed by Niki Caro and people tell him she made Whale Rider which everybody except him went to see.

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