The Monarchical Mr Speaker has muted media freedoms – but which hack complained to him?

Alf normally turns to No Right Turn in the expectation he will find something highly disagreeable and, more often than not, seriously disputatious. But then, what should we expect from an Idiot Savant?

Now and again, however, even an idiot savant can have a good day, and today the bugger has hit a rich vein in discussing the latest antics of “our monarchical Speaker”.

He recalls that on Wednesday, a bloke sitting in the gallery of Parliament – a seriously unhinged bloke, in Alf’s humble opinion – tried to throw himself over the railing and on to the floor of the chamber.

The Herald’s Audrey Young, sitting in the Press Gallery nearby, snapped a photo on her phone of the ensuing struggle as security guards and members of the public attempted to stop the man from going over the edge (although he had gone over the edge by going over the edge, if that makes sense, which it does to Alf).

Move over, Press Gallery hacks – here comes a young lady with all the attributes needed to succeed

Alf sees a bright future in the Parliamentary Press Gallery for Leeana Tamati, a 17-year-old journalism student from the Southern Institute of Technology who is reporting for the NZ Herald on the antics of the Youth Parliament.

She has quickly displayed many of the attributes that shine through from typical Press Gallery hacks, such as (a) political bias and (b) dubious judgement.

Mind you, Alf will acknowledge (if pressed on the matter or bribed with a beer) that his jaundiced view of political reporters stems largely and maybe entirely from their strong disinclination to report what he has to say.

Thus he opens himself to the charge that he is biased against them, and moreover that he has long harboured a grudge, although he would deny this.

But let’s examine his analysis of Ms Tamati’s prose and why (in his always-humble opinion) she is shaping up to become a great political reporter.

Fanworm and clean bottoms

They’re a caustic bunch, the Parliamentary Press Gallery, and fanworm is the sort of thing they feed on. My mate David Carter today made an important announcement about biosecurity, bugs and all that stuff, and it didn’t take long before one of the hacks was showing off his prowess in the scoffing department.