Wall and the Warriors of Change go on the warpath – don’t laugh, folks – over a newspaper cartoon

People who were pissed off with cartoons published in The Press and the Marlborough Express last year did what we are all entitled to do and expressed their objections at the time.

They exercised something wonderful called their freedom of speech (as did the enterprising Toyota dealer who devised the advertisement shown here).

Soon there was a debate raging. Were the cartoons racially offensive – or were they not?

And then we were all huffed and puffed out. It was all over. Or should have been.

Alas, some sad bastards get their knickers in a serious twist and want to see heads roll if they have taken offence or otherwise been affronted.

Our Maori Prince shouldn’t feel too ashamed of his racist slur – British royals can do much the same

King Edward III later abdicated to marry one of the Simpsons.

The Maori King's son is being given a raw deal, perhaps being judged by the standards of unfairly minded people rather than by the common-sense standards applied in the Grumble household.

Let's revise that. "Common" is not the word to be applied here, because the Grumbles are monarchists and apply monarchic standards to the behaviour of those with royal blood pumping through their privileged veins.

By this standard, there's nothing untoward in Prince Karotangi Paki's Facebook page containing racist comments.

Pita and partnership: it boils down to approving Nat policy if Maori get preferential treatment

A thought crossed Alf’s mind, while he was sipping on his favourite tipple in the Eketahuna Club.

Why not ensure white people are given the first option when it comes to buying shares in state companies?

People of a different colour can get the left-overs.

Hmm. Any problem with that?

Actually, there is – a glaring one. It’s racist.

And racism, as we all know, can never be countenanced.

So what are we to make of Maori Party co-leader Pita Sharples’ thinking on asset sales?

If Tiger Woods must be called an arsehole, he is a Cablinasian arsehole, not a black one

Look hard at this, Steve - he's not black.

Kiwi bag carrier Steve Williams gets an undue amount of publicity for a golf caddie.

A flair for shooting his mouth off, then saying sorry, helps explain what gets him into the headlines.

His latest indiscretion has been to call Tiger Woods a black arsehole.

This was wrong.

No, Alf is making no judgement on whether Woods is an arsehole. He is in no position to say, although he does recognise that Tiger seems to have been a prodigious shagger.

But the record should show that Woods is neither black nor an unadulterated African-American.

He is of mixed race and has strived over the years to impress this on people.

Steve Williams should know this, after working for several years as Woods’ caddie (and pocketing a handsome income as a consequence).

Now we know we are all a bit racist (presumably including Margaret Mutu) but let’s blame the media

There’s lots of it about.

Alf refers to racism.

He has also learned – to his huge relief, because he harbours racist thoughts himself on occasion – that everyone’s a little bit racist, although scientists say it’s not our fault – they blame TV, the internet and even the books we read.

When the scientists say eveyone’s a little bit racist, we may suppose they include Margaret Mutu.

Maggie – you will recall – angered lots of folk a few weeks ago when she called for curbs on white immigration.

Mutu, head of Auckland University’s Maori studies department, is standing by her claim in last weekend’s Sunday Star-Times that immigrants from countries such as South Africa brought white supremacist attitudes with them.

More to the point of this post, she defended her comments on white immigration, saying she cannot be racist because Maori are not in a position of power.

Let’s hear it loud and clear: Govt is unmoved by Mutu’s call for a colour bar in immigration policy

At the very end of a report in the Sunday Star-Times today, we learn that Immigration Minister Jonathan Coleman has no immediate plans to change the country’s immigration approach.

“New Zealand’s immigration policy is firmly focused on attracting migrants who can contribute to New Zealand.”

That’s as it should be.

Well, almost as good as it should be.

It can be an ominous sign when a Minister says he has no immediate plans to do something.

But it’s bloody absurd to imagine immigration policy should be changed on the strength of (a) the urging of a stroppy Maori academic and (b) a survey showing Maori antipathy to immigrants.

The SST story was a follow-up to its report last week recording Maggie Mutu’s controversial call to curb white immigration.

Immigrants and the colour bar: why Margaret Mutu is incapable of making racist remarks

You’ve got to love Maggie Mutu’s gall.

She has proclaimed herself (a) to be powerless, which (b) magically makes her immune from being a racist.

This, of course, is a fascinating paradox. There is a potent force in powerlessness.

But her claim is recorded in black and white – to coin a phrase – in the newspapers today.

A whiter shade of pale: Margaret Mutu’s colour bar would sort out immigrants with the right ideas

Boris de Bres has been quick off the mark to find fault with the latest headline-grabbing blast at whites from Margaret Mutu.

Probably that’s because the Sunday Star-Times has gone to him for comment before the latest headline-grabbing ideas have been published, to add spice to its story.

If it had not found people to disagree with Mutu, it would not have been able to report on a “White immigrants row”.

But it’s too late for Boris to change Alf’s mind about our need for a race relations commissioner.

Alf says we don’t need one, and moreover he does not want to suppress expressions of racist opinions, because if people are discouraged from expressing racist opinions, then we don’t know who is and who is not a racist.

This time the target of Mutu’s provocative thinking is white immigants (oh, and let’s not forget that de Bres is a white immigrant).

It’s knickers to Miss Fancy Pants and more brickbats for Jeremy Clarkson over a Lenny Henry joke

And this is how you should wear your bloomers.

They’re a daft lot, your Poms (except, of course, the Royals).

They will relish publicly embarrassing a woman who has got offside with the hoi-polloi by trying to uphold good manners and basic courtesies.

Yet they will excoriate the splendidly irreverent Jeremy Clarkson for making a comedian the butt of a joke.

The hapless woman has become infamous world-wide for her email about manners in which she criticised her future daughter-in-law for being uncouth.

The Daily Mail accordingly would have delighted in publishing unflattering pictures of her posted on Facebook.

They suggest “Carolyn Bourne may be less stuffy than she first appears, herself enjoying the odd moment of impropriety”.

One shot shows the woman dubbed ‘Miss Fancy Pants’ standing in her kitchen modelling a huge and not exactly flattering pair of bloomers over her trousers.

Another shows six young men standing in her kitchen with their trousers down around their ankles.

How does the UN eliminate human rights abuses? By giving the elimination task to seasoned abusers

"Come and read this, Eva - the UN has put Austria on its Human Rights Council."

Alf’s laughter after the naming of new appointments to the UN Human Rights Council could be heard throughout Eketahuna North.

The idea that the world’s human rights should be placed in the care of some of these countries (some would say all) is absurd.

According to the Press Release, six countries that have never previously served on the council are among 15 new members of the Geneva-based body.

It was all deliciously democratic and involved a round of balloting among UN Member States.

It would be great to know which ratbag countries NZ supported.