The only MPs pay reform we need is to introduce zero-hour contracts (but only for lefties and greens)

Good grief.

For a second successive day the Member for Eketahuna North has been seriously pissed off by the Taxpayers Union.

This time the irritant is a bloke by name of Ben Craven, who is described as a spokesman.

Niggler, more like it.

He accuses we politicians of trying to pull the wool over New Zealand taxpayers in relation to MP pay reform.

How so?

He is claiming that if the proposed policy changes had been in place since National came into office, which is 2008, MPs’ pay rises would have averaged 3.1% rather than the 1.7% that occurred.

Pay rises and perks – some MPs say they don’t deserve them but here’s betting few give them back

You can be sure the Dom-Post mob didn’t bother chatting with Alf.

The tossers are saying MPs are reluctant to accept an $8200 pay rise and are calling for the system that rewards them to be overhauled.

You can put your money on Alf not being among those breast-beating plonkers.

Come to think of it, you have put your money on Alf because you have been paying his salary every since he was first elected.

And now you will be putting a bit more into his pocket after the Remuneration Authority published its determination which hikes a back-bencher’s salary by 5.4 per cent to $156,000 a year.

The same wage rise for all MPs is wrong – but it’s worse when it comes to paying namby-pamby judges

Hanging Judge Jeffreys ... a bloke who earned his keep.

Alf must admit to being somewhat pissed off with The Boss today.

His grievance has been triggered by the way we MPs have our pay decided and pay rises announced. It’s a same-pay-rise-for-all deal, the sort of thing trade unions negotiate to ensure that workers and the drones are paid the same and that the system promotes mediocrity.

All MPs have been given a pay rise.

But a hard-working star like Alf is getting the same pay rise as buggers like Paul Quinn, who was described by the political gurus at Trans-Tasman as a media-loathing misfit, and rude and arrogant. The newsletter reckoned “National should start wondering whether this list MP is a waste of space.”

Worse, Alf is being paid the same as that bald-pated poof, Chris Carter, and a whole heap of other banck-benchers you have never heard of because they don’t actually seem to do too much or say anything worthy of anyone’s attention.

A curious tale of Crome, gnomes and chrome domes

Mrs Grumble reckons this bloke...

...would sit comfortably with this - but which one would be uglier?

Alf reckons the news media, now in a feeding frenzy after Rodney Hide sullied his image as a perk-buster, are asking the wrong questions of the wrong person.

They are focussing on Rodney and naturally, when they ask him about his perk-busting lapse, he makes no apology but says he would do it again, using his MP’s travel expenses to take his partner overseas.

Obviously this has something to do with hormones running rampant.

The great expenses hush-up

Sure enough, the British scandal over political expenses and how the system has been abused has triggered a burst of curiosity from news media about who spends what in this country.

Well, let the record show none of it is used for cleaning out the moat. Certainly not at Alf’s place, and he’s sure that if other MPs have moats around their properties, they wouldn’t remain a secret for long.

The British scandal is taking a heavy toll of resignations, including Britain’s Speaker of the House of Commons, Michael Martin (to head off a motion of no confidence in him).

Green idea blackballed – hurrah

Bugger me. The Greens were always a gruesome lot, but they are pushing things when they think I’d go along with the idea of a three-year pay freeze.

The Boss, I’m pleased to say, has made the right decision on the matter for the right reasons. A three-year pay freeze would imply a three-years-long recession.

If the Greens want to make people think the recession will last that long, Alf will see every last one of ’em rounded up and

Independence under threat

We politicians have just pocketed a nice pay rise, so the PM has been somewhat tardy in urging the Remuneration Authority to freeze MPs’ pay at its next review “due to the tough economic times.”

According to the NZPA (John hasn’t chatted with me about this decision or the thinking behind it) he has also written to the authority to ask it to exercise restraint when considering all salary rises in its jurisdiction.

As the NZPA points out –

The authority, which is independent and free to ignore Mr Key, determines pay rises for MPs, the judiciary and specified statutory officers and members of local authorities and community boards.

Mr Key’s letter comes just two months after MPs pocketed pay rises of between 3.8 and 4.8 percent.