Four deaths among college lads raise questions – but the 13 deaths of Kawerau youths raise many more

June 13, 2011

So who is troubled by what's happening here?

A good question is raised at Roarprawn today under a post headed THE SNOBBERY OF DEATH

The Busted Blonde has been fired up by the overdose of media attention being paid to a “spate” of deaths among students at Kings College and the subsequent wringing of hands.

She goes on –

Our best and brightest are in trouble. But what about the public reaction to 13 deaths of teenage boys in Kawarau?

This is a far more disturbing trend. But they are brown and they are poor. And you would think judging by the public and media reaction to their deaths compared to the deaths of the Kings College students that they don’t matter at all.

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We don’t demand haute couture in the House but wearing Highlanders’ discarded kit was a blue

June 8, 2011

It's a nice shade of blue ... but what would happen if Alf wore this in the House?

Alf took serious offence at a Labour politician, Clare Curran. desporting herself in National colours yesterday.

Accordingly he approved of the Speaker giving her a red card and kicking her off the Parliamentary pitch.

As it turned out, she was thrown out of the House for wearing a Highlanders’ rugby shirt.

Today she is reported to have bleated about an “over reaction” from Speaker Lockwood Smith.

The Dunedin South MP had appeared at Parliamentary questions wearing the southern team’s old blue, gold and maroon kit in protest at the new lime green colour.

Speaker Lockwood Smith declared the shirt violated Parliament’s strict dress codes and ordered Curran to leave.

Parliament’s dress code dictates male members must wear a tie or jacket buttoned up to the neck. Women must wear ”normal business attire” however there is no specific detail on what is allowed.

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They weren’t serving vintage champagne at the Palace, so a knees-up at the Goring looked a better bet

May 2, 2011

Yes, we will - but where?

Lambcut got her knickers in an unnecessary twist yesterday at the Roarprawn site. Alf recommends she replace the elastic.

She was right to remind us that the Windsors are a deeply weird lot. This comes from inter-breeding among fellow royals over many centuries, giving their blood an admirable blue hue but otherwise being genetically harmful. New breeding stock in the form of the splendid Kate Middleton, whose great grandfather was a miner, should help remedy this defect.

And it’s true that their real name is Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, but they changed it out of embarrassment about their family connections to the Germans at a time when your Germans were behaving in a very bellicose manner towards the Brits, and their hostility had nothing much to do with anything that happened on the football pitch.

Lambcut then gets herself into trouble –

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Margaret Mutu tells us more about the mystical matter of Maori and menstruation

October 12, 2010

Uh, oh. Looks like anyone who takes Alf’s advice and protests against Te Papa for basing its policies on superstition could be in for a rough ride.

Chances are such champions of common sense and progress will suffer the same fate as Paul Henry, and be denounced as racists, or as culturally insensitive, or something.

Alf sounds this note of caution on learning that Margaret Mutu has got in on the act after the Dom Post revealed that pregnant or menstruating women are being discriminated against at Te Papa “for their own safety.”

She has gone out to bat for the idea that pregnant and menstruating women must be kept out of certain areas, which happen to include gardens and fishing grounds as well as Te Papa.

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The curious dislocation of Clare Curran

October 20, 2009

The Labour Party’s Clare Curran is gurgling today after discovering that Lords of the Blog has a posting about Red Alert.

Curran describes Lords of the Blog as a cross parliamentary blog from the House of Lords, which only goes to show she has no grasp of the importance of the hyphen in a compound adjective.

No, it is not a blog for cross parliamentarians. It is a cross-parliamentary blog, which means parliamentarians of various stripes contribute to its contents.

Anyway, Clare carries on –

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Claire view of the UN farce

May 18, 2009

Alf was having a bad night and couldn’t sleep. Perhaps this was a consequence of gut-tearing news: BustedBlonde has sounded the last post at Roarprawn.

His night was made worse by a Te Ahi Kaa interview beamed into Eketahuna by Radio New Zealand. It featured one Claire Charters, who was giving this country a bit of a hard time in the human rights department and – would you believe? – dragging Afghanistan into considerations when asked to compare our performance with that of other countries.

Charters was yapping (for much too long) about the United Nations Human Rights Council, the outfit which has recommended our government better protect Maori rights.
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No bedroom peeking needed

May 17, 2009

Now that’s more like it.

Busted Blonde, at Roarprawn, apparently got up a bit later than Alf to buy her Sunday newspapers, only to find them pathetically preoccupied with suicide and gossip.

Then she has come up with three good reasons for questioning the Rankin appointment to the Families Commission without having to pry into her bedroom.

The reasons she is a crap appointment are:

• She is an intellectual pygmy

• She likes to use the word I a lot.

• She uses populist causes to promote herself.

She is just wrong.

Says it all, really.


BB says nah to PR – she’s strictly PA

April 21, 2009

Alf regrets he has wronged BB, the big-bosomed bird from Bluff who brings us the rambunctious and widely admired Roarprawn.

In his posting about Peta’s failure to get any traction with its attempt to convert Nick Smith to vegetarianism, he said they needed public relations help and proposed (with nothing but good intentions) they recruit the aforementioned BB.

She has corrected him . Her business has nothing to do with PR, she points out. Her work is public affairs.

Alf pleads ignorance. We have neither public relations firms, nor public affairs ones, here in Eketahuna.

He is tempted to inquire about the difference between the two lines of business. What does a PR practitioner do that a PA practitioner does not do? And the other way around?

He’s a simple soul, and imagines it might be like the distinction between describing yourself on your business card as a moll or a courtesan. But he won’t delve.

Suffice to say, if BB has taken offence, he apologises. He does so unreservedly.

As for his proposition that she could become trimmer by turning to vegetarianism, he appreciates her trenchantly expressed rejection. On reflection, all other ideas for losing weight are better than the Peta diet.


Tickling this PETA would be a nice job for BB

April 20, 2009

PETA needs someone like BB and BB would benefit from membership of PETA.

Alf, accordingly, has sent her name to them with an application for immediate membership and a bit of stuff about how she could do for PETA’s media coverage what an unfortunate burst of domestic violence has done for Tony Veitch. Get its name all over the front pages of our newspapers and heavy coverage on radio and TV.

PETA is shorthand for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (although there’s no need to remember this, because their cause is an eminently unmemorable one).

They desperately need good public relations advice, although – even better – they desperately need to find a better cause to peddle.

They banged out a statement on Friday pleading with Environment Minister Nick Smith to become a vegetarian to reduce carbon emissions.
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Hope their food fads aren’t part of the deal

April 9, 2009

It’s taken Alf a while to recover from learning the party has struck a working relationship with the Greens. If the House hadn’t been sitting, he would have found himself taking to drink and oysters down at Dockside to absorb the shock.

Indeed, he figured that’s exactly what BB was up to when she broke the news – surely her scoop was the product of a lass whose imagination had been warped by a very early start with the grog.
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