Royal bathroom job: Alf could turn the taps but the cleaning side calls for a sheila’s touch

February 13, 2012

Which one is the bathroom?

It looked, at first blush, as if the Daily Mail was pulling Alf’s chain. It drew his attention to a job that took his fancy .

But he (or rather, Mrs Grumble) didn’t immediately find it on the website mentioned by the newspaper. Not without a bit of searching.

She persevered and found the details here.

Alf remains tempted although it is a somewhat menial job and doesn’t pay much.

Nor does it seem to offer the same perks and allowances enjoyed by our members of Parliament for their hard work on behalf of their electorates and to serve the nation.

On the plus side it would result in Alf working for a couple for whom he has huge admiration.

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Mike Tindall gets the boot from the England rugby squad – but he deserves a bloodier axing

November 12, 2011

Given the boot ... former England Rugby captain Mike Tindall leaves his Cheltenham home with wife Zara Phillips.


The England rugby squad has been rid of a right royal plonker.

Betcha the Royal Family wish they were rid him of him too.

The embarrassment caused them by the antics of Mike Tindall, who a few months ago married Her Majesty’s grand-daughter, Zara Phillips,is the sort of thing that comes from Royalty marrying commoners.

There was a time when Tindall would have had his head lopped off for besmirching the reputation of the Royals.

Alf would have volunteered his services as axeman, if that penalty remained on the books.

These thoughts on the insidious thinning of good royal blood are triggered by news that –

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Hurrah for the royals – it will take much more than a cowardly assault on their Rolls to rattle them

December 12, 2010

"I think we should take a cab and a different route next time."

There's plenty of room in here for the bloody rioters.

Well done that man, Alf says of Prince Charles.

He and his wife Camilla will not be scaling back their public engagements or abandoning walkabouts.

The Rolls-Royce carrying them were attacked during violent protests against higher university fees.

Every member of that baying mob – of course – should be rounded up and flung into the Tower of London, which would swiftly and simply take care of their fees complaints. Their study days will be over.

What the rabble did surely amounts to high treason.

It certainly would have been high treason in the good old days before the democracy caper gained too much currency.

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