Turei says the Greens are spoiled for choice but this depends (surely) on the calibre she will settle for

Green Party co-leader Metiria Turei may well be right when she says the party has no shortage of male candidates from which to pick a replacement for Russel Norman.

Twenty-one of the 39 names on the party’s list for the 2014 election were blokes – or rather, were people with male names. But to be frank, the Grumbles would never have given names like Steffan or Reuben to their lads because they were sure this would impede their All Black prospects.

Three more of the names on the list might be males but, alas, it’s hard to tell.  The first name of one of them is Sea, another is Aaryn and a third is Umesh.  Alf is writing this in some haste, because he is keen to get down to the boozer to join his mates, so hasn’t had time to check out their genders.

But Turei has gone further than claiming she has no shortage of male candidates. She claimed there is no shortage of high-calibre candidates.

The truth of this is not so obvious, although the Greens may well employ a different measure of calibre than the measure employed by Alf.

Want to see why Delahunty got a 2/10 mark from Trans Tasman? Just look at her Treaty thinking

And when we Pakeha become more politically enlightened, this treaty will entitle your people to a 50:50 share of all governance arrangements…

Alf hadn’t noticed a recent opinion piece by Gareth Morgan, the bloke with a dislike of moggies but – hurrah – a great urge to preserve our democracy.

Morgan was contributing to the debate over Maori representation on local councils.

More particularly, he was taking issue with New Plymouth’s (very temporary) Mayor, Andrew Judd, who had embroiled himself in a debate over whether his council should have a Maori ward and was calling for all councils to have Maori provide half of their councils.

Anna Paquin and her hubby show their Green streak – but they didn’t arrive in the capital on bicycles

Warning: if you play with these things you could finish up turning green.

Alf observes that Anna Paquin, an actress, and her husband, Stephen Moyer, have landed in Wellington.

Whoopee.

The Herald on Sunday account of this earthquake-shaking event goes on to say their arrival lends some heavyweight celebrity endorsement to the Greens.

The Greens doubtless need to be propped up by celebrities, given that their policies don’t amount to much.

No, we shouldn’t be following the bloody wowsers – let’s take our cues on leadership from Churchill

Here’s where prohibition takes you.

Alf was alarmed to learn The Boss has confessed to guests at a fundraising event that he has been on the wagon since his return from a Hawaii holiday last month.

According to this report at Stuff:

Key revealed his abstinence at a fundraising event at Wellington’s Dockside restaurant on Wednesday night. He noted the irony about delivering a speech while standing in the bar.

A spokeswoman said “He is just taking good care of himself for the campaign.” Key is known to favour pinor noir and English-brewed Bath Ales.

Obviously The Boss did not consult Alf before taking what looks like a drastic as well as highly unnecessary course of action.

When the Greens let their hair down, you could say they risk causing serious dis-tress

A very unattractive picture was painted, in Alf’s ever-lively mind, when he learned of the Greens wanting to let their hair down.

Crystal Gayle with her hair down? Well, just take a look at the pic on the right. Alf would have gone a long way to see her and her tresses in her hey-day as a country and western singer.

According to the German fairy tale, Rapunzel was something of a looker with long tresses too.

But Alf would rather be far away when the likes of Metiria Turei (the sheila at the top) let their hair down.

Hence he does not get too excited by news that the Green Party will be holding an auction behind closed doors to raise funds later this month.

The greens you grow in the garden could show Russel Norman a thing or two about maths

The Greens should take a lesson from the greenery they are committed to protect.

According to the headline on a report here –

Scientists find proof plants are capable of complex arithmetic

This, quite obviously, makes the plants smarter than the Greens.

The report beneath the headline explains that in order to keep themselves going in the absence of sunlight, plants perform division equations throughout the night to ration their stores of starch until the moment the sun reappears.

All power to the Minister and the Speaker as Russel Norman’s question is short-circuited

It was great to see Russel Norman get his come-uppance from Mr Speaker in the House this afternoon.

Norman obviously hoped he was going to screw some politically embarrassing information out of our splendid Minister of Energy, Simon Bridges (although Alf likes to think he would be an even more splendid Minister).

At Question Time, Norman asked (here) if Bridges believed the electricity reforms of the late 1990s delivered lower electricity prices and – if so – what had happened to household electricity prices over the last 20 years?

Obviously 20 years is a long time, and it would have required lots of beavering away in the database to come up with the figures.

So Bridges short-circuited things and said yes, the reforms were on the right track.

Good answer.

Hone has had to holler that his Mana Party was there, too, at the manufacturing summit

Alf was fascinated – as he usually is – by the wording of a just-released media statement from Hone Harawira, Mana leader and MP for Te Tai Tokerau.

Essentially, Hone wants to impress on us that he and his mob fully support a parliamentary inquiry into manufacturing.

Fair enough.

But then (see here) comes the fun bit –

“Mana did attend the manufacturing summit on Friday, but due to a communication error that did not see us included in the political press conference it was reported that we were absent.”

Well, well, well…

Hone was there…

Correction.

Mana were there.

But when it came to the press conference…

Ha. They were overlooked.

That’s what comes of mixing with greens and pinkos.

The buggers will forget all about you, as soon as it is convenient.

Privatisation with a bonus – your Govt is working on some sweeteners (for those who need them)

The nation should be chuffed at the prospect of citizens being offered a bargain by their generous government.

Stuff (here) gives an account of what the deal might comprise.

Cheap share packets and bonus shares are being considered as the Government prepares its first sell-down of state-owned assets.

Stuff also says legislation for the sale of four energy companies was subject to fierce debate in Parliament yesterday, as it nears passage into law.

Dunno what a fierce debate is supposed to sound like.

A lot of futile hot air from the opposition, is how Alf would describe it.

When a party has a musterer, who will get the joke if several new co-leaders are named?

Take me to your co-leaders.

Never thought the bloody Greens had much of a sense of humour.

But only the date of today’s media release gives a hint that a slew of leadership announcements may be a load of bollocks.

In all other respects, the news is precisely what you would expect from the muesli-munching tossers.

Prank-wary news editors therefore are in danger of being caught out.

Here’s how it kicks off –

Green Party announces new leadership

The Green Party has pioneered the co-leadership model which has helped us provide representative and dynamic leadership. We think the time has come for further innovation, said Green Party Co-leader Dr Russel Norman.