A lesson in the art of hyphenating to create a new word with a special meaning for Maori students

When is a university not actually a university?

Perhaps when you call it an indigenous university, but to be really sure you aren’t deceiving anybody, you throw in a hyphen and call it an indigenous-university.

Alf bristles at this misuse of the hyphen and is tempted to lodge an official complaint about the serious debasing of his taonga, which – of course – is the wonderful English language.

But the temptation is a fleeting one. Whereas we are supposed to take great care to protect the taonga of our indigenous people, few people would pay any attention if Alf was to grumble about a mischief being done by anyone to his culture and cultural treasures.

A sobering experience after all those parties – Gilbert Myles finds himself before a judge

Alf proposes a Parliamentary Hall of Infamy for MPs and former MPs who finish up on the wrong side of the law.

He is pleased to observe this morning that Gilbert Myles is jockeying for a position.

That’s good. He could run the show.

In a court report today, the Herald describes him as “a former National MP”, but the bugger couldn’t stomach The Mother of All Budgets delivered by the admirable Ruth Richardson back in 1991.

He went on to join anything that looked like a party until the good people of Roskill had the good sense in 1993 – from memory – to biff him out.

Bank conman and the harlot – how many of the bucks for his bangs have been returned to the ASB?

Alf for several weeks has wondered if ASB conman Stephen Versalko got his money’s worth from the $2.5 million he paid to a prostitute.

If not, then he was bilked, which is a thoroughly appropriate thing to happen to a conman.

If he was satisfied with the bang (or two) he got for his buck, the lady must be remarkably gifted.

Alas, chances are we will never know.

Alf gave a fleeting thought to raising $2.5 to personally put her talents to the test and report back to the public.

Perhaps – he mused – Parliamentary Services would pick up the tab in the name of the vital research into the sex industry he might undertake as the member for Eketahuna North.