Don’t sniff too closely at our bridge upgrade plans – think instead of the scents of going for broke

Roll out the barrel..

That was Alf’s advice when party chiefs consulted him at the weekend on how to counter the Peters threat.

No, he was not talking about rolling out the beer barrel to liquor up the locals. That would be bribery and bribery is seriously frowned upon in our electoral laws.

Alf was recommending we roll out the pork barrel.

Pork barreling, of course, is a term used to describe the appropriation of government spending for localised projects secured solely or primarily to bring money to a representative’s district.

Alf has recommended this tactic before, and the party bosses have listened.

All power to the Minister and the Speaker as Russel Norman’s question is short-circuited

It was great to see Russel Norman get his come-uppance from Mr Speaker in the House this afternoon.

Norman obviously hoped he was going to screw some politically embarrassing information out of our splendid Minister of Energy, Simon Bridges (although Alf likes to think he would be an even more splendid Minister).

At Question Time, Norman asked (here) if Bridges believed the electricity reforms of the late 1990s delivered lower electricity prices and – if so – what had happened to household electricity prices over the last 20 years?

Obviously 20 years is a long time, and it would have required lots of beavering away in the database to come up with the figures.

So Bridges short-circuited things and said yes, the reforms were on the right track.

Good answer.

It’s simple, Simon – if we winnow the fuckwits, we reduce the support for Labour and the Greens

That Bridges bugger has wasted no time in trying to show the energy and enthusiasm sought by The Boss with his cabinet shake-up.

It’s misguided, of course, as you would expect from a bloke who spawned a son and called him Emlyn and who lists his interests as running, reading and being with his family.

As Minister of Consumer Affairs, Bridges has just announced (here) a ban – would you believe it? – on the sale of magnets.

Or rather, the sale of high-powered magnet sets, to be more specific.

It’s simple, Simon – those who need a warning about rail safety are likely to ignore it

If you need a wake-up call from Simon Bridges, maybe we would be better off without you.

When we say someone has gone off the rails, it means they have lost track of reality.

This must make it hard for the do-gooders who today have launched a campaign which warns us to keep off the rails.

Gotta say it was surprising to see Simon Bridges involved in this thing.

Wearing his hat as Associate Minister of Transport, Simon (or a press secretary) banged out the media statement headed Rail Safety Week Focussed On Raising Pedestrian Awareness.

If boaties opt against wearing their life jackets and drown – it’s the Govt’s fault how, exactly?

There’s been lots of huffing and puffing in the aftermath of 3 News delving into the Government decision not to make it compulsory to wear life-jackets on all small water craft.

It seems Transport Minister Steven Joyce backed off the idea just a week before it was to be signed off.

The reversal was made despite official advice saying the change could help prevent 10 deaths a year.

Now one maritime expert says the Government must take some responsibility for unnecessary deaths.

How so?

Another ex-All Black has name suppressed – but that’s not how Parliament wants the game played

Are the bloody judges listening to we legislators?

Two court cases reported in the papers today have triggered this question and sparked Alf’s sense of outrage.

First, a former All Black who pleaded guilty to child assault yesterday was granted name suppression.