Well done, Beatrice, for deciding against a space trip – now let’s see if Kim Dotcom can have your seat(s)

November 3, 2014
The head gear's far out, but she's staying down here on earth.

The head gear’s far out, but she’s staying down here on earth.

Alf is delighted to learn that one of the Royals has had the good sense to reconsider becoming a pioneering space tourist.

Princess Beatrice was expected to be one of Sir Richard Branson’s most famous passengers. But the Daily Mail reassures us today she will not be going anywhere near his Virgin Galactic spacecraft after a test pilot was killed last week.

The story has been written by a newspaper scribe with a name that suggests he has writing in his genes, Sebastian Shakespeare.

‘Beatrice was excited by the idea of space tourism, but there is no way she will be going on one of the flights, if they are ever allowed to take place,’ a source close to Buckingham Palace tells me.

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Mrs Grumble calls it grog blossom but research shows Alf’s ruddy face makes him – ahem – sexy

October 8, 2012

Alf has long been intrigued about why women find him so attractive.

He now thinks he has the answer.

What do these creatures have in common with attractive male politicians?

His prodigious whisky intake has given him a ruddy hue and – would you believe? – women find a red face sexy .

Apparently it indicates health and dominance although you can have too much of a good thing, and in the case of too much redness it suggests anger and aggression.

Alf has a better understanding of the allure of his ruddy complexion after reading (here) about the findings of a new study that claims women find redness something of a turn-on.

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