Suppressed names short-change us in reports about a naughty step-father and a political smear campaign

Lest any of the good people of Eketahuna North suspect otherwise, even for a brief moment, let’s have this on the record.

Alf is not the bloke found guilty on charges of indecently assaulting his stepdaughter.

Nor is he Don Brash’s love child.

Mrs Grumble – fair to say – urged Alf not to make this declaration.

She said it was only attention-seeking. Moreover it was thoroughly unnecessary, because it would be obvious to constituents that he is not the mystery feller in either case, because –

* He is still married to her, his first wife, and they do not have step-children;

* He has never been a national figure (she unkindly said “and you never will be”); and

* He is bloody near as old as Don Brash.