Try becoming a broadcaster, if you are not Labour’s Flavell of the month – or try another party

June 2, 2014

Dunno what is so disagreeable about Will Flavell within Labour ranks.

He looks like a decent bloke, from where Alf sits.

He probably is.

Nevertheless it’s as if an ABF movement is thriving in the Labour Party – Anyone But Flavell.

We all know about the ABC bunch (for Anyone But Cunliffe). They had the great good sense of wanting somebody else as leader for reasons that in recent weeks have become abundantly clear.

Why Flavell should be brushed aside is not so obvious to we political sages in the Eketahuna Club.

Maybe it’s a matter of BONA (for Broadcasters Only Need Apply).

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The Cabinet Club here in Eketahuna North is focused more on tippling than peddling influence

May 9, 2014

Good old Tau has summed things up pretty nicely when he says Opposition attacks on National Party fundraisers, where individuals can pay for access to ministers, is Labour Party envy.

Alf is bound to say he was deeply disappointed by Labour and NZ First attacks on the Government yesterday and their claims to have proof that The Boss was involved in talks to ease citizenship restrictions for wealthy foreign investors.

As Stuff explains here, those allegations came out of reports on National Party events run throughout the country, called Cabinet Clubs.

Labour can’t have Cabinet Clubs because they are in opposition. They are bound to stay there, too.

They could try running Shadow Cabinet Clubs, of course, although Alf can’t imagine why anyone would talk to the shadowy buggers who would be the best they could provide by way of star turns.

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Alf wouldn’t have scotched Tau’s ambition to become Mr Speaker – not if the price was right

December 12, 2012

Alf had been tempted to toss his hat in the ring and run for the job of Speaker.

But he did his sums and calculated – as did Tau Henare – that it would help to muster support from some of the other parties in Parliament.

In particular, he probably would be required to chat up someone in the Maori Party.

And if that someone in the Maori Party had agreed to endorse Alf’s candidacy … well, then it would have been a matter of waiting to see how long it would take for them to repudiate the deal.

That’s what Tau encountered, even though – by the sound of it – he had some sort of a deal in writing.

But the Maori Party seemed anxious yesterday not to give a hint they had reneged.

Reneged with one of “our people” (as they describe all Maori, no matter their party leanings) what’s more.

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Getting a Tau-hold on the truth: a party-hopper, yes, but can we call Henare a carpetbagger?

June 25, 2012

Once it was there (or so we are led to believe). But now it’s not.

Nope. The word “carpetbagger” couldn’t be found in Wikipedia’s article on Tau Henare (although the search might have been less than thorough).

What’s more, the NZ Herald is reporting here this morning that Alf’s colleague Tau has won an apology from Wikipedia.

It’s all over this carpetbagging malarkey.

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Invitation to Eric Joyce: come Down Under, mate, and teach the MPs here how to toughen up

April 23, 2012

Learning how to butt heads and come out the winner would be useful at Question Time.

Never thought it would be written here. But Trevor Mallard is a pussy cat.

Mallard – it might be remembered – escaped an assault charge when he was Minister for the Environment after an altercation with National MP Tau Henare by pleading guilty to the lesser charge of fighting in a public place.

But fair to say, Trev is thoroughly genteel when compared with Britain’s Eric Joyce, who recently was convicted of four counts of assault and – when asked to tally the number of people he has thumped over the years -reckons it’s probably 100.

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What is it with Labour MPs that they land themselves in court facing assault charges?

March 10, 2012

Eric Joyce arrives at Westminster Magistrates Court.

Remember Trevor Mallard’s altercation with Tau Henare?

No, not the occasional verbal tiff in Parliament.

Alf refers to an altercation of the physical sort that resulted in Mallard being charged with assault.

He was Minister for the Environment at the time, the way Alf recalls it, and finished up pleading guilty to the lesser charge of fighting in a public place.

At the time of the incident, Stuff reported Mallard had punched Henare in a lobby off Parliament’s debating chamber, striking his jaw after a heated exchange.

The clash started when the National MP goaded his rival in the chamber about his personal life.

It turns out Mallard has a soul-mate in Britain’s Parliament.

A Labour MP, sure enough, named Eric Joyce.

This Joyce feller has been spared jail after pleading guilty to four counts of assault following his brawl in a House of Commons bar last month.

He won’t be stepping down from Parliament (but nor did Mallard).

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Urgency makes us all a bit tetchy but Trevor Mallard reduces tax debate to personal abuse

December 11, 2010

It's a shame it isn't Trevor Mallard.

Alf is his normal grumpy self this morning, as he prepares for another sitting of the House under urgency, but alongside many of his normally chipper colleagues he seems downright jolly.

The buggers have lost their rag, hurling insults while proceedings are dragged out unduly by Labour’s filibustering.

Some – like Labour’s David Cunliffe – are losing their voices. Pity it is only a temporary condition.

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