We Nats should drink to Labour having confidence in David Shearer for many more years

They don’t have a prayer, even if they did gather here…

…rather than fortify their spirits here.

We’ll be sinking a few celebratory drinks in the Eketahuna Club tonight.

This follows the confidence vote by Labour’s MPs to endorse the leadership of David Shearer.

Just how much confidence was represented by the vote is a bit of a mystery, because according to the account which reached Alf at his electorate office (see here), Labour will not release the results.

But we do know that –

Under new party rules, the leader must get at least 60 percent of support from caucus or it triggers a contest on which the party’s membership and affiliates can vote.

We are further told that –

The protocols are important when His Maori Majesty is holding one of his balls

No, you can't come in without gowns and tiaras.

As an unabashed monarchist, Alf is thrilled to see Maori are adopting protocols of the sort one would encounter at Buckingham Palace.

This demonstrates that King Tuheitia is willing to learn from the Crown side of the treaty partnership about how to run the royalty racket.

Having a chief of protocol is an important part of the rigmarole.

Titewhai, protocols and rancidity – why Hone’s mum may be banned from a marae

You don't notice it so much out here in the open air.

Dunno what the word sounds like in Te Reo.

But it’s a fair mouthful in English.

It’s “rancidification” – a process with a somewhat unsavoury pong about it.

And it’s been applied to describe the behaviour of Hone Harawira’s very stroppy mum, the formidable Titewhai.

In essence, as the Herald reports today, Titewhai faces a possible ban from Te Tii Marae after being accused of “rancidification of Maori protocols” at a recent Maori Party hui.

Alf fancies himself as a great wordsmith (although Ele from Homepaddock gives Mrs Grumble a higher rating).

But he has never dropped “rancidification” into a speech or any of the articles he has submitted to the Bush Telegraph.

Alf’s constituents are all above average in the IQ department and will not need to check out what it means. Many of them, moreover, are familiar with the dairy industry, where product is apt to go rancid.

But for readers beyond the boundaries of Eketahuna North, maybe these definitions will help.

Radio NZ pulls the plug on Waatea but we can tune in elsewhere for our special view of the world

Alf will miss the Waatea News bulletins from Radio New Zealand.

They are being scrapped – along with a couple of grand pianos – as part of the state broadcaster’s desperate efforts to operate within its budget.

But Waatea News is not being shut down and silenced as a consequence of this move.

Those of us whose ethnocentricity compels us to distinguish Maori science from science, Maori sport from sport, and Maori news from news can plug into Maori radio stations for our news fix.

Yes, Hone could be a minister and given the job of sending malcontents back home

Maybe a Maori flag should look a bit more like this.

Alf has more in common with the stroppy Hone Harawira than he had imagined.

Hone – it transpires – wanted to become a minister when the Maori Party first went into coalition with National in 2008.

Alf wanted to be one too.

But whereas Alf has made plain his thwarted ambition from time to time in this blog, Hone hasn’t made much noise about his disappointment, although he makes a great deal of noise about all sorts of other things.

Now his ministerial aspirations have been flushed into the open by the leaking of a confidential statement by Hone’s caucus colleague, Te Ururoa Flavell.

Welcome to Waitangi – a bothersome mix of bare bums and demands for koha

It’s hard to say which is the more bothersome. A photograph on the Stuff web-site of Prime Minister John Key being challenged as he walks on to Te Tii marae with – good grief – Titewhai Harawira.

Or the report beneath the photograph telling us that Waitangi lower marae officials have demanded a $500 fee before they will allow the media to enter the ground to cover the PM’s visit.

No, it’s not the image of Ma Harawira that Alf finds bothersome. It’s the image of the Maori gentleman doing the challenging. He’s almost starkers.

Mrs Grumble reckons this bloke has an admirable bum. Dunno about admirable. But you can certainly see all of it.

If he kitted out like that for the Sevens in Wellington, he would be arrested. The security people would regard him as a streaker waiting for his chance to dash on to the pitch.

Good grief – see who’s on the “most trusted” list

Alf is seriously sulking over a survey that ranks Blue Chip’s Mark Bryers among the 85 most trusted people in the country.

Mark Bloody Bryers is the bloke who co-founded the company in which many Kiwis lost their savings, and who is facing a raft of charges laid by the Companies Office.

Another bout of litigation has been brought by 240 or so investors who claim their apartment sale and purchase agreements are void and they should not be forced to honour them, and that Blue Chip was deceptive and misled the investors.

And so on.

Sure, Bryers just sneaks in at No 85 on the most trusted list.

But Alf Grumble, hard-working and much-admired member for Eketahuna North, is not there at all.