But what happens if one must relieve oneself in the lift before the prayers have been answered?

June 9, 2015
So which one is going up?

So which one is going up?

A matter of great curiosity to Alf has gone unanswered in the reports he has read.

It’s the delicate matter of how much waste had to be cleaned out after two nuns were trapped for three days in a lift in Italy.

Or did they pray enough to reduce their ones and twos to zero?

Bloody media never get down to this sort of nitty-gritty.

It transpires that one of the pair was a Kiwi nun.

She prayed Рapparently Рuntil the pair were eventually rescued by a cleaner.

This prompts the indelicate observation that The Almighty wasn’t in a hurry to respond to their prayers, if the cleaner didn’t turn up for¬†three days.

Perhaps more fascinating, Alf would like to know if the nuns had done something to offend Him that caused the lift to stop with the pair inside in the first place.

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A wee problem on the train: embarrassed passenger solved it by peeing into a plastic bag

April 3, 2014

Gerard Depardieu...not as coy as the passenger from Upper Hutt.

Gerard Depardieu…not as coy as the passenger from Upper Hutt.


Being of an age where his bladder is not what it was, Alf has some sympathy for the Upper Hutt woman who opted to pee into a plastic bag in front of passengers on a broken-down Wellington train.

He also understands why she would not want to be identified.

But he does wonder what Tranz Metrol is supposed to do when a fallen power line causes an electrical fault, forcing the train to a standstill for nearly two hours.

Here’s how Stuff tells it:

Passengers were told they could not leave the train while it was being repaired, as a live electrical cable was resting on the carriage.

So what were the train staff supposed to do?

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Wainuiomata students – it transpires – are behind a scheme to flush away privacy in the school dunnies

August 1, 2011

The buggers who go to school here put hygiene ahead of privacy.

They must be a repressive bunch, the buggers in charge of Wainuiomata High School.

Voyeuristic too.

Or so it seemed at first blush.

First blush, of course, was news of security cameras being installed to pry into goings-on in the school dunnies.

Bloody hell.

Today it has come to light that the school is intent not only on suppressing groping and smoking.

Stuff tells us they are intent on dealing a knockout blow to boxing matches, too.

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