Nth Korea’s leader can show us what should be done to those who favour changing our national flag

November 2, 2014
A warning to flag tinkerers...

A warning to flag tinkerers…

Alf has revised his view of the North Korean despot, Kim Jong Un, a bloke he had been apt to dismiss as mad as well as tyrannical.

No longer.

A fierce and highly admirable patriotic streak that Alf admires became evident today. 

The young  bugger is reported to have ordered one of his top military officials be dragged from his home and shot by firing squad for…

For bloody good reasons, in this case.

The top military official had changed the words of a socialist anthem when singing karaoke.

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Heads should roll after reheated tucker – oh, the outrage – is fed to Her Majesty’s corgis

August 28, 2011

Alf makes no secret of his strong royalist leanings and great admiration for the monarchy and for Queen Elizabeth 11.

No job to serve Her Majesty would be too menial, too onerous or too messy.

Accordingly he is offering his services today as a royal axeman, willing to lop off the head of whoever has been guilty of high treason in The Palace kitchen.

Dunno if the bastard – obviously a closet republican – has been identified yet.

But he or she has fed the royal corgis frozen and reheated dog tucker instead of the freshly cooked meals Her Majesty requires for them.

According to sources, the Queen, who is on holiday at Balmoral, was furious when she made the discovery while dishing up her pets’ supper one evening.

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Caught napping – and meanwhile a central banker has been making a mint to help “”Grasping Grace”

December 28, 2010

Would our Labour Party be more successful if Phil Goff followed this example?

Alf stumbled upon news of Robert Mugabe becoming prone to snoozing more often than in the past.

Bearing in mind the bugger’s ripe old age, this should come as no surprise. Indeed, Alf is apt to drop off during tedious sessions in The House and sometimes during select committee hearings.

The problem seems to be that Mugagbe drops off at times when maybe he should be paying attention to what is happening because he is The Boss in his country.

He might be snoozing while his missus is making a mint trafficking diamonds, for example, although Alf emphasises the word ‘might’ . He further emphasises that the evidence for such a thing happening on this occasion comes from an American Ambassador, and American Ambassadors have been found to be more than a tad fanciful in what they report back to Washington from Wellington, so we should not expect them to do any better when they are reporting home from Harare.

Oh – and this is a nice touch – Zimbabwe’s central bank governor seems to be involved by printing the money needed to buy the diamonds.

Can you imagine Alan Bollard doing that for Mrs Key???

No, not really.

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