Well done, Boss – we are now reassured that those brain fades haven’t become a chronic condition

Alf’s memory isn’t up to much nowadays but he does recall some of The Boss’s struggles with forgetfulness.

There was the time when John could not remember being told of the Government Communications Security Bureau’s surveillance of internet tycoon Kim Dotcom.

And then there was the time – as TV3 reported – when he heard that most voters in a new poll thought the drinking age should have been raised to 20, and he said he agreed with them.

Oops – maybe there has been an awful misunderstanding about cultivating Cam’s friendship

Keep an eye out for an account of saucy goings-on here at Labour Party HQ in Eketahuna North.

Gotta admit to feeling somewhat uneasy about leaking further bits of this and that to Whaleoil.

Until now Alf had understood he was doing the party a big favour by passing on anything that might show up pinkies, greenies and their ilk in a bad light.

What’s more the encouragement of Jason Ede had given Alf the strong impression this sort of thing was good for scoring personal brownie points – and enhancing one’s political ambitions – up there on the Ninth Floor of The Beehive.

Ede should need no introducing. His name has been peppered into umpteen news reports in recent days (whereas Alf, dammit, hasn’t been mentioned once).

But maybe his encouragement was misunderstood.

To avoid hacking Alf flies his sensitive stuff to Cam (although pigeons can be shot down and eaten)

Alf slips away from his office (with head protection against leftie mud-slinging) to send a message to Cam.

Sad to say, Alf has not been burgled in the past six years and -so far as he is aware – his laptop has not been accessed.

Hence he can not add his experience to the list of dirty tricks that has been lengthening day by day over the past week.

Among the victims – according to this newspaper report – has been Crusher’s hubby.

Judith Collins’ husband David Wong-Tung’s office was burgled and his laptop accessed, in what the Justice Minister says was “a series of interesting little break ins”, including the burglary of her caucus colleague Mark Mitchell’s offices.

This afternoon, following reports of break ins at Mr Mitchell’s Parliamentary and electorate offices almost a year ago, Ms Collins told the Herald her husband’s office had been burgled six weeks ago.

Mr Wong-Tung is a director of Oravida , the company belonging to National Party donor Deyi Shi whose meetings with Ms Collins late last year in China – when she was there on a taxpayer funded ministerial trip – sparked a conflict of interest furore.

“He came into work and noticed that the lock on his lockable cabinet had been smashed.”

So what were the burglars up to?

Falkenstein is fair fuming – but if a Whale flattened an offensive against fizz, so what?

A bloke can stick up a water tank and collect the stuff when it falls on the roof. For free.

Alf refers, of course, to water.

It’s something he prefers to avoid, although he does consume his share of it in his tea and coffee. And some of his mates put a drop of it into their whisky.

If you don’t get it straight from the skies and into a water tank, which is true for most people nowadays, you can turn a tap and it will flow into a jug, your kitchen sink or the bath.

This being so it has seemed odd to Alf that anyone would want to buy their water in a plastic bottle from the supermarket, then have to hump it home.

But it takes all sorts, eh?

And when there are customers bursting to buy their water in plastic bottles at a supermarket, there will will be someone willing to supply it.

Sir Peter Jackson’s new aircraft just goes to show how welfare (well focused) can create a high-flyer

It is great to see how a beneficiary of state welfare has picked himself up by the bootstraps and …

Well, now he can buy himself a new $80 million jet.

News of this uplifting story reached Alf via the Dominion Post.

A version of it is told here at Stuff.

It involves none other than Sir Peter Jackson.

We can be sure WhaleOil will have taken note, because at Gotcha he has expressed himself somewhat critically on the matter (as you will find here).

It’s a monstrous case of media discrimination – the cameras follow Carter but again give Alf a miss

Bugger - who let the TV3 cameras in on my Christmas?

So why haven’t the buggers in the Speaker’s Office alerted the news media to Alf’s holiday travel plans?

He would jump at the chance to be pictured climbing into his modest Mazda Atenza – a 2004 job – before driving to Taihape for a modest Christmas dinner with other members of the modest Grumble family.

Indeed, he offered TV3 a few hundred bucks if they would take such pictures and screen them on their news programme, but they somewhat impolitely turned down the offer.

The problem, probably, is that he is happily married to Mrs Grumble and they have three children and several grandchildren (Alf has lost count of how many exactly). This makes him remarkably ordinary, despite his accomplishments on behalf of his electorate.

Hence Alf is throughly pissed off to learn that Chris Carter, the bald-pated poof who happens to be an MP on the other side of the parliamentary divide, is saying the media have ruined his summer holiday after the itinerary for his taxpayer-subsidised trip to Sri Lanka was leaked.

What’s that strong pong of hypocrisy? Ah, it’s coming from Goff’s housing arrangements

The taxpayers keep filling this one for me, so why should I feed from my own trough?

Alf can’t say it better than Whaleoil, when it comes to discussing the rank hypocrisy of Labour’s Phil Goff. Constituents should read his post on the subject today.

Essentially, Whaleoil reminds us how Labour has persistently been putting the boot into our Bill English over the double dipping thing, perfectly legal though it happened to be.

But – as we learned last night – Goff is up to much the same sort of lark.

Alf will only add to Whaleoil’s account that he was thoroughly pissed off in the House this week when Amy Adams was doing a splendid job of extracting important stuff from English about the economy at Question Time.

Having Helen Clark work in New York is one thing – having her run the world from there is another

Bugger. Alf has been scooped by his mate Whaleoil.

Not that he is complaining. Whaleoil has done a splendid job of spreading the awful news about the PM’s latest bit of howz-your-father in the foreign affairs domain.

Trouble is, Alf has been so busy trying to muster support among his party mates to stop this outrage that he hasn’t got around to alerting his constituents.

Not until now.

The full horror of what lies in store becomes all too clear from the post at Gotcha, which says:

The Her­ald reports (print only, Busi­ness Her­ald page 27) that trai­tor Key has ordered MFAT to begin prepa­ra­tions for a diplo­matic cam­paign to back Helen Clark for UN Sec­re­tary Gen­eral. The paper says the trai­tor Key is fac­ing oppo­si­tion from his cab­i­net col­leagues but is deter­mined to get Clark into the world’s top diplo­matic job.