Fatties’ guide to sexual bliss

Alf doubts too many of his constituents will need advice to fatties for improving their sex lives. But maybe they know someone who does need it.

If that be so, purely as a public service he suggests they check out this item from the Times of India, which lures tubbies to read more by asking

Is your potbelly an obstruction during intimate moments with partner? Are thunder thighs causing discomfort in sexual pleasure, keeping you away from a gratifying sex life?

If these worries hound you every time you gear up for a steamy sex session, then refer to our sex guide to help you out!

The article cites a study showing only one third of size 16 British women have sex once a week; their size 8 sisters get lucky almost twice. One in every ten obese women reported not having had sex for a year.

The Times of India is worth visiting regularly, if you want more of this sort of thing.

Among other recent articles, it asks if foreplay is overrated.

Is it true that “real” sex is all about an earth-shattering climax wherein foreplay plays no role? Is it possible to play by rules in the game of love?

Then there’s an article on the 10 top sex romps.

The teaser for this asks “are you always complaining that your sex life is running out of steam? Well, what’s stopping you from getting adventurous and innovative?” The item proceeds to tell “the 10 craziest places to fool around…”

Alf won’t be putting any of this stuff to use this morning. He’s off to play golf.

But he is bemused. Why do Indians need regular sex advice from their leading newspaper? Isn’t theirs the home of the classic Kama Sutra, the ancient text which contains practical advice on sex and sexual pleasure?

Another thing – perhaps a bit more contraceptive advice would be helpful. India, with 3.4% of the world’s landmass, holds 16.7% of its population and is the second most populated country in the world. According to the 2001 census, the population grew 21.34% in a decade to 1.027 billion people.

More golf and less sex is Alf’s advice. It’s kept Eketahuna from having to worry about a population explosion.

One Response to Fatties’ guide to sexual bliss

  1. Pique Oil says:

    After once placing a ball into the water hazard on the thirteenth at Eketahuna, promptly followed by another, I was pleased to reach the nineteenth. The reason that Eketahuna has not had a population explosion is quite simple. The prime carpark at the golf club is reserved for the bar manager. Here indeed is a society that has correctly determined status and priorities. The only procreation possible would have been from the ducks on the water hazard.

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